


crash

by iamrotting



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: F/F, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:32:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamrotting/pseuds/iamrotting
Summary: Elsa and Anna have been together for two years. Two years of happiness. Two years of love. Two years of holding onto each other like glue. Until an accident had caused one to let go and another to desperately chase her.





	1. Prologue

_Elsa…_

Anna continued to race through the hallways of the hospital. Fifth floor. She was on the fifth floor.

 _Elsa…_  
  
Her heart was pounding. Her legs were tired. Bruised and scraped from falling upon entering the hospital. Tears stained her cheeks. She couldn't bear this feeling. This fear. This heartbreak. The thought.

A nurse had come to ask her where she was going, but she simply ignored her. Pushed her away. She had one thing in mind. Only one.

This wasn't happening. This really wasn't happening… NOT. AGAIN.

Every single thought of their happy moments together raced through Anna's mind. It seemed like just a moment had passed. It seemed like it was just a second ago that Elsa was smiling. Had said she loved Anna. Had confessed she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Anna. Had even made love to her in the perfect night. How was this happening? What kind of idiot would do this to her… to both of them?

_ELSA!_

She couldn't make it, screeching to a stop once she had gotten to the floor that she needed to be. Her widened eyes were brimmed with tears of their memories. The door was just right there. Elsa's parents were just right there. But it seemed like an invisible barrier was keeping her away from taking another step. She eyed the door in horror… in heartbreak… her hands clutching onto own chest. That was the love of her life behind that door. That was the love of her life… holding on.

But she couldn't make it. She couldn't bear this feeling… and if she even came any closer, she was going to  _break._

Slowly, she dropped to her knees on the ground, her palms pressed against her eyes as she continued to weep loudly. She rocked herself like a child, but nothing… nothing was comforting. She wanted Elsa to be okay. She wanted Elsa to be right next to her. Her own fingers clutched onto the watch that Elsa had given her the day before… only… it had stopped working during her fall. 10:32AM. It stopped then and there. Everything was over.

"Elsa…" she cried, her voice croaking. She had blocked out Elsa's parents. She had blocked out the doctors. She had blocked out all those people that were rushing through the halls to their patients. "Elsa… I need you… how could you do this to me…?"

* * *

_The evening was definitely an eventful one. Anna couldn't be more excited for their date in this five-star restaurant that her girlfriend 'somehow' made a reservation to. She was lucky to even get a reservation in the most secluded place. The moment she was shown the small reservation sheet just two weeks ago, Anna was absolutely ecstatic. And scared. She knew her girlfriend could have her way sometimes, but it was always hard to keep up with the unexpected._

_She couldn't be luckier. As a senior in college, she was invited to a dinner in the psychology department and had a chance to win a thousand dollar dress. She didn't wear dresses very often. In fact, she just never was a fan of wearing dresses, but this… was the perfect chance to get pretty._

_She gazed at the mirror, patting down the tight dress around her figure. She didn't look too bad, but she wasn't going to trust her own opinions. "Mm… Is it too tight on me, Elsa?"_

" _Hm?" The blonde turned around. She had been looking at other dresses in the room… and, yet, she still hadn't figured out what to wear. Her bright blue eyes reflected through the mirror, and Anna could see how pleased her girlfriend was._

_She didn't even react when she felt arms hugging her waist from behind, lips placed on Anna's neck. "You look absolutely stunning."_

" _Oh, you're just saying that right?"_

_Elsa chuckled. "We'll see about that when we get back from dinner. You'll change what you said."_

_Oh._ _Anna knew she would say something like this. Swallowing, she noticed Elsa looking at their reflection too. "Well then… um, I can't wait for dinner to start."_

_The blonde leaned in to kiss her exposed neck. Honestly, if Elsa could stop being such a tease and actually give an opinion on the dress it would be great. Having to be with her for two years now was already a blessing… and never once Anna had seen her so playful in such a long time._

_While Anna was still in college, her girlfriend was working as an interior designer. Such a fancy job for a fancy girlfriend in her fancy shoes. Anna would always envy her, but in the end, she was always proud of Elsa for getting to where she was at. For God's sake, it was a miracle even that they were able to get a decent apartment with a view as high as the sky._

" _I can't wait for dinner to start too. Then, maybe, I'll be able to take that dress off you -"_

_Immediately, out of embarrassment, Anna slapped the woman's wrist lightly, making her pull away with laughter. "Elsaaa ~ I told you I want your opinion!"_

_The woman sighed, turning to pick out her own dress. She finally settled with a black one to match with Anna's. "You look beautiful, sweetheart. It fit around your hips very nicely."_

_That's what I want to hear._ " _Oh, I nearly forgot." Elsa quickly strode to her desk to pull out a small box from the top drawer. "I thought you might like this."_

_The redhead gaped in awe once Elsa had opened the box to reveal a small wristwatch. "Elsa…"_

" _It wasn't so expensive," she said as she grabbed Anna's hand and slipped the object around her thin wrist, "well, I'm glad it fits. Do you like it?"_

_Anna was speechless. It wasn't rare that Elsa would always buy her gifts, but every time was always a surprise. Every small present, Anna came to adore. Softly, she giggled, placing the wrist by her ears. The ticking was gentle, but Anna could hear it loud and clear. "You know, every time you say it's not expensive, it's bound to be somewhat expensive."_

_Elsa shrugged and sighed in defeat. "You caught me."_

" _It's gorgeous, Elsa. I love it. Thank you."_

_She gently leaned in to peck Anna's lips. "Anything for you."_

_The redhead did take a few moments to admire her gift in silence. A watch… she never bore a watch before. Perhaps, it was the fact that Elsa would always wear one to work, she didn't want to be left out. Oh, now that would be an adorable reason. She sighed turned back to the mirror again. In the corner of her eyes, Elsa was beginning to change, baring herself naked with her back towards Anna. By now… they were comfortable enough to be able to change… or, well, stay naked around each other._

_Anna always felt comforted by that - that, in a way… Elsa was open enough to change her clothes in front of Anna… and Elsa truly loved her. And that they had each other. She gazed at herself, freckles dotting her cheeks, red hair bundled up in a bun, her make-up light for the sight… Oh, if only her parents were able to see this. If only they could show how proud they were for Anna. If only they knew what a lovely girlfriend she had._

_She pursed her lips together tightly. "Elsa?"_

" _Hm."_

" _Would my Mama and Papa approve of my relationship with you? Or the fact that… we're gay?"_

_The blonde slowly turned, letting her hair loose from her braid. Anna could just see how fast her girlfriend's expression had changed. From just smiling in one second… to glaring at Anna as if she had seen a ghost. "Anna, we have talked about this."_

" _I-I know, but…" she huffed, rubbing her watch with her fingers, "your parents are always nice to me. I wonder if they would be great friends with Mama and Papa."_

" _They would. Anna… why are we talking about this now? It's been three years." Her arms loosely crossed together, but Elsa wasn't moving._

" _I don't know," she chuckled bitterly, "sometimes, you just can't help but miss them."_

" _Oh, beautiful…"_

_Arms… very warming arms hugged her back, and there was something about this embrace… that was so comforting. She missed this. Her eyes closed. This feeling of being embraced - thinking it was her mother that was embracing her - was almost like endorphins in Anna's head. She sighed, breathing in Elsa's fragrance… and she allowed herself to grasp Elsa's arm tenderly._

" _Listen to me," her words breathed softly to Anna's ears, "your mother and father… though I've never met them, love you a lot... They adore you. You aunt had tons of photos of them hung on the wall. Just for you. They left you money. They left you a new car," she smiled, running her fingers through Anna's hair, "Even after the accident… they were still here to take care of you,_ _I'm certain they loved you a lot. I'm sure they thought about you… always thought about you."_

_She gazed down, smiling. It was… heartbreaking, to say the least. If only she had known the streets would be slippery that day, they wouldn't have to be driving so fast. If only she had called them to tell them to be careful. Anna didn't want to lose anyone anymore. She didn't want to lose Elsa. No… she needed her. More than ever._

" _Anna," Elsa started again, "you have me. You have my mother, my father… and they treat you like you are their daughter as well. We're always here for you."_

_Anna nodded. "I know. Thanks."_

" _Anytime. Look at me." The redhead slowly turned when she felt fingers on her chin guiding her around. Elsa raised her eyebrow. "I love you. I will always love you."_

_She pouted. "Do you think we could get married then?"_

_The blonde smiled, almost laughing in shock, but Anna knew it was a ridiculous question. She turned back to the mirror, fixing her hair. She didn't expect Elsa to answer. Or rather, she didn't want Elsa to answer. Through the mirror, those blue eyes were as gentle as the light in the room… and all Anna could see was the gleam of happiness. "Would you_ _like to get married?" she asked._

_Her face slowly colored red. "That's not…"_

" _Maybe when you finally graduate and find a career… we can discuss it."_

 _Oh._ _Anna wasn't sure what to say. Marriage… Anna's dream was always to get married to a perfect lover where they would reside in a small house or apartment. Just the two of them. Eventually… she would want kids as well. Did she think Elsa would consider it this quick in the relationship? No._

" _You make this sound all like a dream, Elsa…"_

 _The blonde smiled tenderly, tilting her head. Her eyes glimmered like a puppy. "Is it not, honey?" she asked. Honey. Elsa would rarely call her honey… and only when Anna needed to be pampered, oh, Anna just felt so_ _loved._

_She gazed down on the floor, lowering her hands to hold her lovers. "I hope it wouldn't be a dream. Mama and Papa would have loved you."_

" _I hope so." She tapped her fingers on Anna's front before letting go. "We should hurry. The reservation isn't going to wait for us."_

" _You're the one still changing," Anna rolled her eyes._

" _Well, then, I should have also shut you up." The emphasize and the implication that… well, it quickly shut Anna up, of course. Elsa could always say things in such a… nonchalant manner, and that was always something that Anna loved about her. Sure, she wouldn't ever be serious about the things she'd say, but Elsa was always unexpecting._

_Any kind of talking like this… would leave them shedding clothes, their warmth shared in bed. And any kind of talking like this…. would leave Anna in a flustered mess. Well, that was always the beginning of their relationship, but even now, anything could be unexpected._

_But she adored this. She adored having to be with a woman that really cared for her. That had her life together. That could support Anna in any way she could. Anna could never have imagined being with such a perfect woman with such a beautiful personality - though, a little stiff sometimes - and shining eyes that would look at her, and only at her._

_She turned back quietly, leering at Elsa's slender bare back… leering at the way Elsa pulled her hair in a ponytail… leering at the way Elsa made her own dress fit perfectly around her curves. She smiled, turning back around to tidy up her hair. It was… just perfect. Everything was perfect… and Anna had fallen in love with such a perfect girl._

* * *

_The sound of ocean waves crashing to shore sang wonderfully. The evening sky had grown dark, and the moon gleamed through the sky like it was only celestial body dancing in the galaxy. But it gleamed so brightly that no other stars mattered._

_Seagulls continued to chirp as they flew in the air, and in the background, cars continued to zoom through the roads. It had never been so peaceful… so warm, and so incredibly lovely being out here. Everything was theirs. The sand, the water… the sky… and, in the moment that they had driven to the beach, they saw nobody walking around except for them._

_The car also continued to sing from the radio. Lana Del Rey's, 'Thirteen Beaches' was playing, and honestly… that was Elsa's type of music. But who was paying attention? Who was paying attention when Anna was dancing around the sand, laughing like this was the last time she was going to laugh?_

_The air was quite bleak. Autumn was arriving. Their delicious dinner was over, but the evening was still early so Anna suggested they go to the beach one last time before the seasons changed. How could Elsa refuse? They always loved the beach… and the season was getting colder. But as Elsa continued to sit on the roof of her car, watching her girlfriend play with the water, collecting the shining shells gleaming in the light, and the beautiful pink sand… well, it was just absolutely warming. It was rare to see Anna have so much fun with such mundane stuff. But, at least, she was laughing, it was all that mattered._

_Blue eyes continued to gaze at her red hair dancing in the autumn wind with love, leaning herself against the front window._

_Marriage… Elsa had never thought of marriage. They were happy together. Elsa always felt delighted to be by her side, but when Anna mentioned the word… she was almost in heaven. She wouldn't ever dare to mind marrying her darling. Her precious. And if she ever hesitates while thinking about it, she would only be lying to herself. She loved Anna. But rushing it would do no good for anyone. Love… Love was a special thing. Love… took time._

_It was hard for Elsa to love. No matter how warm her family was, how lovable they were, they could never open Elsa up. Until Anna came along. No… they never had much in common. Their personality clashed, but perhaps, the saying was true - opposites do attract._

_The wind blew, her hair gently flowing along like the waves until Elsa had run her fingers back through her fringes. A sneeze could be heard from afar, and she raised her eyebrow. "Anna, I don't want you catching a cold."_

_The redhead looked up and waved. "I'm fine! Elsa, why don't you come, and play with the water with me?!"_

_She let out a small smile, shaking her head. She motioned her girlfriend over, and she could just see the pout forming on her bottom lip. "Keep that expression up, and I'll kiss you all night."_

_Anna rolled her eyes, arms crossed as she climbed up the car, sitting next to her. Silently, Elsa had allowed her own arms to wrap around her girlfriend, lips kissing her forehead. There were so many things in Elsa's mind, but how she could say it all? She watched her girlfriend continue to mumble about how she was always so firm and disgustingly parent-like._

_Elsa couldn't help but chuckle. "Anna, you are twenty-two. Sometimes, you don't act like it… so I have to parent you whether you like it or not."_

_The redhead leaned herself against Elsa's chest. "Oh yeah? Well, you're twenty-four so you should just stop trying to get into my pants all. The. Time."_

_Oh? Elsa hummed in disagreement. "I'm your girlfriend. Isn't that my job? You use such crude words… and you didn't even drink that much."_

_The younger woman laughed, turning face to face to Elsa and kissed her chin. "I'm kidding, why are you acting all pouty?" She caressed Elsa's cheek, only to have thin, cold fingers hold them and pull them away._

" _Because I wanted to talk to you seriously."_

" _About what?"_

" _I wanted to know whether your ex-girlfriend has been talking to you or not."_

_Her smile disappeared, and soon after, Elsa's stern expression deepened. "Elsa, you know we don't talk…"_

" _You go to the same school."_

_Anna chuckled in disbelief. "It doesn't mean we have the same classes. Elsa…"_

" _I ask because I wanted to make sure. Yes, I've never talked to her. I've never met her." She entangled her fingers between Anna's. "But I don't want her to come to talk to you… and for you to come to me, looking sad for someone that wasn't worth your emotions."_

" _Elsa…"_

" _You… mentioned marriage."_

_The redhead nodded hesitantly, and all Elsa knew was try to reassure Anna that she wasn't opposed to it. She ran her fingers through her auburn hair, pushing back loose strands._

" _I want you to be happy. She never hurt you, I know. I trust your words. I know you two simply just fell apart. But I don't want you to be hurt. I want your happiness to be with me. Do you understand?"_

" _Elsa, you know I don't have her number -"_

 _She put a finger up. "I'm not saying this because it looks like I don't have confidence in you. I do. I love you, so I trust you. I'm saying this… because I…" She eyed her girlfriend in silence, running her knuckles on the freckles of her cheek. "Because I_ _do_   _want to marry you."_

_Anna's eyes widened, and there was a small moment of shocked silence until tears immediately glistening on the bright teal color of her eyes. "Elsa…?"_

" _I want to spend my life with you. But right now, even if I am certain that I want you in my life, we are still young. We still have time." She breathed out, fingers running along Anna's cheek. "I know you can be so impatient, so that's why I'm saying all of this now. And you can keep that in your heart." She tapped her finger against Anna's chest. "But I'd like you to promise me something."_

" _What…? What is it?"_

" _That you won't be hurt because of her. That you would put up a brave face… for everyone. That if you ever see her, you think of me."_

_Anna didn't answer, but Elsa didn't expect her to answer. She remembered the day Anna would talk to her about her ex… how she would break down from stress, anger, and depression. No, Elsa didn't want Anna to experience that anymore. Not for her. Not for herself. She wanted Anna's happiness to flourish… and it would be such a lovely dream to see her smile more._

_She wasn't always there, but every time Anna would speak of her past experiences… she could hear the heartbreak of her empty voice. She knew Anna would always try to stay positive. She knew it all… but she could never be positive all the time._

_Anna merely smiled, leaning in to kiss Elsa's lips. Fingers caressed her cold cheek, another wrapped around her wrist… and all Elsa could do was accept her… and her small 'thank you' and 'I love you' from that one kiss. And through that kiss, she knew Anna would promise her that. Through that kiss… she knew Anna would promise that they would love each other, forever and always._

_Pulling away, she gazed into Anna's eyes, glimmering with joy and adoration. That was what Elsa wanted. Needed. Silently, Elsa ran her thumb on the bottom of Anna's lips, her eyes admiring the beauty that was her lover. She had never seen such joy in her expression. Never seen such a wonderful glow from her face. "Shall we go back home?"_

_Anna giggled, nodding. "Yeah. Hey…"_

" _Hm?"_

" _I love you."_


	2. Impact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously, I deleted this chapter because I realized there seemed to have some confusion of what this fic is about. I don't want to spoil it, but I do think people got the idea that Elsa has been in a car accident. This first section below is right before the accident - and it continues to escalate from there in Anna's POV to the present time. Sorry for all the confusion.
> 
> Although, I did not want this chapter to be too long because I often don't enjoy having to cram everything in one chapter, but I felt that this fic needed a bit of a push to get the plot going. In any case, I believe things will slow down a bit more, and I hope people will enjoy this fic! Please DM me or visit my tumblr: not-rotting, for further questions, analysis... whatever, I would really love that. Let me know what you guys think about Elsa!

Chapter 2: Impact

* * *

The night was awfully warm at home, and they shared it. They loved it. Embraced it. And Anna had fallen into pieces with her… bare under the cover. The air was fevered, but it was all embraced out of love, desire, and there nothing more that Anna wanted than to feel it paint their skin. It felt  _good -_ hearing Elsa's voice whisper soft sweet nothings to her… hearing her voice drown in needy echoes of moans. The clear, blissful night took them… and Anna had allowed Elsa's touch to take her into the mighty heavens.

If memories served, her nails daringly left deep red streaks on Elsa's back, but she knew her girlfriend would turn a blind eye to it. She knew her girlfriend would always adore them, and Anna would always kiss the pain away.

While the night was long, and they had felt nothing more than the pleasure of being together… of loving each other, dawn had arrived. The morning sun basked the room with warm, red glow… and they were in peace sleeping together, arms holding each other tight.

This wasn't a special anniversary at all. This was their daily life, and Anna simply fell in love with it. She could sleep with a smile on her face, knowing her girlfriend would be right beside her once she'd wake up. Or perhaps, Elsa would bring her breakfast in bed.

She hummed, delighted when she felt warm lips kissing her bare shoulder blade. Whining, when she could feel Elsa trying to get out of bed. "Elsha…"

"Good morning, beautiful." Elsa nuzzled her button nose against the soft crook of Anna's neck, arms hugging her waist underneath the blanket. Anna, with her eyes closed, turned and did the same thing to Elsa, prompting the blonde to giggle in a much softer tone. "I have to get to work, Anna…"

"Stayyy…" She pouted, eyebrows scrunching. The sky was too bright for her to even open her eyes just yet. Though, after a moment, her lips stretched to a smile when she felt her lover kiss her there.

"Sorry, love. But, if you want, I can get you a glass of orange juice for when you get up."

Anna groaned, unwilling let her go. "I want a kiss instead…"

"You're so pouty." But she obliged anyway, hands tapping on the small of her girlfriend's back. "I have to go. Get up soon, baby. You have school today."

She rubbed her face against Elsa's pillow. Her scent could always energize Anna. "Mm… I think I'll skip."

"Well, make your best judgment, Anna. I'm not watching you fail your finals, alright? Isn't there one next week?" One more drugging kiss… and that one kiss slowly stirred Anna to stretch and get up. She blinked, eyeing the boringly white ceiling blankly, then to her girlfriend, laid by her side. How long had she been awake? Elsa was already in her work clothes. She always looked so tidy and beautiful even with a collared shirt and suit pants on.

Her eyes ogled at the button that could barely hold Elsa's chest in, only to feel a playfully judging eyes avert her attention to something else.

"You're really going? Can't it be just like last night?" she yawned, laid on her back, and she made no effort to cover her bare abused chest. Her own eyes fell to the bruised marks tattooed on her skin. Oh, last night… last night was absolutely fantastic. She wished things would stay like this… she wished to have Elsa's body on top of her once more, she wished to hear her agonized cries for the blissful pleasure. She'd damn near fall in love just like the moment they had met for the first time. There was no way Anna could forget how lost they were to each other… how they floated as contentment soaked their everlasting gaze.

Nonetheless, Anna didn't expect her lover to answer her. A thankful kiss on the back of Anna's palm was shared, her teal eyes catching Elsa's light laughter. "There will be plenty of nights like this. But I have to go now. Will you let me?"

Her voice was so soft… so loving. Oh, how could Anna refuse her when Elsa was staring at her with such adoration? How could she refuse her when those words were just filled with promises? Her words… were always filled with promises, and Anna never doubted that Elsa could fulfill them all.

"Mm… just one more…" She shut her eyes, puckering her lips.

"Well, alright, one more."  _Kiss._ "Is that enough to fuel you up for the day?"

Anna simply looked like she was in heaven, her lips stretched to a wonderful smile, her eyes closed in glory. She nodded. "That's perfect." The early morning shimmered brightly through the balcony window, contrasting wonderfully on Elsa's pale skin - Gods, she looked like an angel - and Anna found herself drowned into the beauty… drenching into her words. To her touch. "Have a nice time at work."

"I make no such promises."

Two hours had passed in a blink of an eye. Anna was getting ready to go to school, having eaten only cereal and a few slices of orange that Elsa had left in their empty fridge. She sighed, gazing at the mirror. There wasn't going to be any major lectures today, so she wore whatever pieces she found in the closet - a green flannel, white shirt, and ripped jeans paired with white converse.

Obviously, she needed to hide those love marks as well. She was silent… the pad of her fingers tracing the beautiful wounds, barely hidden from her flannel. Elsa was never really so rough. Elsa was always loving… ever so sensual, but sometimes, she could be so playful that they just didn't mind a few marks here and there. But she remembered those certain words: ' _I'm yours'_. The way it was whispered to her… the way Elsa would look at her always sent Anna into a puddle of impassioned mess. The woman always knew what would get Anna going…

And that night was simply  _perfect._

She blushed like a rose, licking her pulped lips, and there was still a lasting remnant of her honeyed taste. Her fingers began to wring around the watch that Elsa had gifted her last night. Elsa had always bought her jewelry, but it was always so rare for Anna to wear them, other than some piercings and rings. She was always a bit of a tomboy, but she always tried to be more like Elsa - and to be given watch was more than appreciated.

Smiling, she tucked an isolated strand of hair behind her ear, picked up her bag from the ground. She yawned, rolling her eyes as she got out to her apartment hallway and the elevators.  _Morning classes are evil…_

At this time, Elsa would have texted that she was getting breakfast or if she was at work. She nudged the strap of her bag closer her shoulder, her hand reaching for her phone in the pocket. Unexpectedly, there wasn't a single text or even a voice message from her girlfriend. Though, surprised, she wasn't too worried. She realized Elsa could be busy talking to clients for an opportunity to let them take up her designs or to negotiate prices - even as early as talking to them the moment she had woken up at six or seven in the morning. Doing it at around nine in the morning wasn't so uncommon.

The middle elevator between the three in front of her welcomed Anna. Sighing, she entered the lift, and decidedly, she'd just tell Elsa she'd be in school once she was there.

It didn't take long for her to get there, and the campus was already full of people walking around to get to their different departments. Anna could easily take her time.

She took a deep breath of heavenly fresh air, sitting on the grass by the hill, her back leaned against a tall oak tree. The birds cried through the early morning, and it was a wonderful song to Anna's ears. Gazing up in the deep blue sky, she listened to the dozen students passing by her talking about organic chemistry. Science was never Anna's best suit, but she never tried to learn from it either. Elsa, however… always had a heart for science, and while it was never Elsa's strongest suit either, she could excel in every single subject better than Anna.

The redhead was extraordinarily proud. Sure, jealousy was sometimes a thing, but she was never starved for the amount of extraordinary stress and work Elsa would put herself in. Things were much easier now. Elsa was able to get into a fantastic designing company in the competitive industry, and Anna was on her way to graduate with a bachelor in psychology. There could be more, but… Anna loved the way things were at the moment.

Sighing a relieved breath - feeling the pleasant wind stroke her sun-kissed skin - she took out her phone. " _Hey, I'm in school now. Hope work is going well. Love you,"_ she typed, sent, and she waited for the 'read' to pop up.

It didn't. "Well, she must  _surely_ be busy with work…" she reassured.  _Oh well._

She stretched, flicking her wrist to see the time on her watch. It was only nine-thirty, and her first lecture of the day was going to happen in just a few minutes. While she thought she would just hang out and reread her notes from the week before, there wasn't time for that now.

Getting up, she walked towards her class, passing the marble water fountain sitting smack-dab in the main campus. At times like this, more students surrounded the lucky fountain and would more than often flick a coin in there for good luck. Finals were just around the corner after all.

Students had quickly filled up the lecture hall, but thankfully, everyone had their own designated seats. Her eyes scanned through the auditorium-sized room, watching as people continued to swarm in, trying to squeeze through others. Finding her friends in a class this big was nearly impossible.

She huffed, only to choke on her own saliva in shock after she felt a dreadfully hard pat right on her back.

"Hey, feisty!"

She turned, eyes shooting daggers at the broad friend standing right beside her. "Kristoff, I told you, you need to lay off working out so much!"

"Aw, you jealous of my pecks?" He flexed his chest, wiggling his eyebrows. "Had a nice weekend?"

Yeah. Get off me."

"That's no way of talking to a friend!" His muscular arm - almost mockingly - wrapped around her tiny body. Which she tried to swat away, but there was just. Too. Much. Muscles.  _Dickhead._ "Hm, is he even coming? He's late," he wondered out loud.

"He would have sent an email to us." Anna slowly strode down the stairs, finally, able to find two empty seats in the middle row. As always, Kristoff sat next to her, and though, talkative as always, Anna wasn't listening. Her eyes wandered around, scanning the number of people in the room. Usually, she wouldn't be so far from the projector, but it was fine today if this was just going to be a review section for the psychology finals.

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Huh?" She turned. The man was wearing a mask of concern on his face.

"I saw your ex-girlfriend today."

"Oh." Empty words were immediately stuck inside her windpipe. How did he expect Anna to react? Frankly, she didn't feel anything for that person. Neither did she expect her ex-girlfriend feel much. They were just… together at the wrong time, and Anna didn't blame her for being frustrated in their broken relationship. The death of her parents had taken a toll on Anna, but she was also in the right to want to focus on that first rather than…  _her._ Her expression fell, and once she had noticed it did, she grabbed her laptop from her bag as a distraction. "So?"

He shifted, his whole body facing Anna's side. "She was asking about you. Said she was sorry for being selfish for back then."

Anna bit her lip. What was the point? They had already broken up, and Anna had moved on.  _And Elsa wants to marry me._ "I mean… what do you want me to say? It's a long time ago."

He sighed, wringing his fingers together, placed on his desk. "If that's what you think, then sure. Anyway, it's not like you two are expecting anything. Plus, you already have a girlfriend of two years. I told her it's already too late."

"And is that what you really think? She's not expecting anything?"

He shrugged, unconcern. "She only said those words and left. I got your back, man."

"How did she look?"

He winked suggestively. "Devastated."

"Oh, ha-ha." She was glad Kristoff was able to support her like that. Things were different, and they continued to be different. Anna expected nothing of her, and neither should Anna be the face of her expectations either. Nobody in the right mind would want to get back to something that had caused so much pain and stress.

The naive, gullible Anna she once was, was gone, and she'd like it to stay that way.

Class ended on a good term, and perhaps, Anna didn't  _listen_ too closely, it wasn't anything she wasn't prepared for on the day of the exam. Other things still preoccupied her already-busying mind. She hadn't heard from her ex for a long time, and now that Kristoff had mentioned her… she didn't know what to think.

Packing her things, she followed her friend out the lecture room. He was talking about next week's exam… or something. Her mind had wandered off elsewhere, but she didn't have the heart to concentrate on exams right now. The door was stormed by students passing through, and finally, the sunlight hit their skin.

At first, Anna thought her ex would have shown up right in front of their lecture hall, but it was all just from paranoia. But it wasn't  _uncommon._ She stopped just a few steps away from the door, looking to the side where the department bulletin board was located, filled with advertisements and student works. Her ex would always wait there for her classes to finish.

"Anna?" Her attention quickly fell to her concerned friend. "Hey, you okay?"

She pointed over her shoulder, grasping the strap of her bag. "Didn't you wanna get coffee before next class? Let's go."

"Yeah, hey -" He grabbed her arm. "If there's something I said that was wrong… tell me. Maybe I shouldn't have told you about Meg -"

"No, no." She placed a finger against his chest. "Actually, I'm glad you told me. Then I'd have to remind myself why we had to separate."

His eyebrows met together in worry. "But, Anna… that's not -"

"Hey, look. We were twenty years old.  _Nineteen._ " She pointed to herself as emphasis. "I learned… and I've moved on to being in love with a wonderful girl, who  _you've_ met. Right?" She raised her eyebrows. She could see the acceptance filling his expression, barely hiding the worry in his eyes.

"Well, alright. She didn't ask me anything else, so I guess she moved on too."  
"Yeah, I bet." Before she was able to take off with Kristoff again, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Taking out her phone, she squinted in concern, seeing Elsa's mother had called her. Multiple times too.

"Is... something wrong?" Kristoff questioned, prompting the redhead to look at him with such… uneasiness.  _She'd always call but… she knows I have school today._

Gazing at her friend, she slowly placed the device to her ear. "Hi… Idunn?"

" _Oh God, Anna! Anna, where have you been, I've been trying to call you!"_

Anna scratched her head, eyeing the floor. The urgency in her voice did not sound too excellent. "What do you mean? You know I have class today."

A sniffle… a short sob arose from the other end, and immediately, Anna's heart tensed. A short moment had passed, but Anna's life… had almost flashed through her eyes. She knew those sounds. She'd heard it before… back when her aunt would call her to tell her what happened to her own parents. Her hands had gone numb, her body tensed, eyes widening - and instantly, tears rested upon the layer of deep fear in her eyes.

"Idunn…?" she whispered. "Why are you crying?"

" _Anna… baby, get to the hospital. Right now."_

A droplet quickly streamed down her cheek as she had blinked. Memories… had taken in hostage, and she was in chains again. Was it deja vu? Was she living in a dream? Was God going to punish her for the wrongdoings that she didn't realize she had been doing? She had been good. She had been  _clean_. She swallowed, gripping onto her phone, and though, she didn't want to ask why, her body moved on its own. "What…" she scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

" _Right now, Anna! Elsa… oh God, my baby… she's… she's got into a car accident -"_

Her whole world had ceased. From the moment, that heartbreaking voice called out Elsa's name… her fingers let go of her phone, and it had dropped to the ground. Her eyes that were holding in tears a moment ago began to let it all go. Her heart that was once beating like crazy had dropped like dumbell, and it had shattered like glass. Her surroundings had completely stilled… and all Anna could hear was the echo of Idunn's voice resonating through her mind.

This shouldn't have happened. It was never supposed to be like this. Anna just simply wanted  _happiness_  to be shared with someone she loved.

But she spoke too soon. She shouldn't have been this happy yesterday. She shouldn't have discussed the marriage with Elsa. She shouldn't… have talked about her parents. None of this would have happened.

"Anna? Hey, Anna? What's going on?!"

Anna had dropped to the ground. No sounds of weeping. No signs of shaking. Shock was coursing through her body. "Why does this keep happening to me…?" she whispered to herself, her vision blurred. Every part of Anna's world… had completely ended.

* * *

_Multiple fractures… several damages to the brain… how long is she going to stay like this… we're not so sure… but her breathing is steady… we will monitor her… she'll be fine._

That's what they all say.

The clock ticked ever so slowly as if the world didn't want time to pass. The fluid continued to drip… and the vital signs monitor continued to beep at a consistent rate. The whole room was awfully pale in color - almost too ugly to look at - and the only sunlight that leaked into the room was through the crack of the heavy blue curtains. Whispers and small voices dripped into the room from just outside the door… and the shadow of Elsa's parents met with the doctor from the bottom crack from the entrance.

A single nurse had finished cleaning up the equipment and had just left. She was alone again.

Who was paying attention though?

Hours had passed, but Anna didn't care for the time. Her knees - scraped and bruised from the fall - hurt for those remaining hours. She lacked the care for that as well. Tears continued to trail down her reddened cheeks… and she hadn't let go of that limped hand of her girlfriend's. She held it so tightly, and she held it tightly because she wanted Elsa to wake up. To feel her.

Her head had been lowered this whole time, forehead touching the bedside. She couldn't bear to see her girlfriend. And the sun beamed against her skin like this was a miracle. The city… continued to keep going, but everything that was happening had stopped for Anna.

She had heard everything - every little agonizing detail. A truck driver, dozing off behind the wheel, had missed the red light,  _crashed_ … and it had crushed her white mustang completely. And Elsa, herself. Especially… it had crushed Anna's heart.

She… had been laying in bed. Her head bandaged, her left arm put in a cast… and so was her whole right leg. Her perfect skin on her face had dozens of bruises and cuts, stitched up from the loose glass that kissed her skin. A trail of tubes ran through her nostrils and her arm. And if Elsa could look any paler, this was what she looked like - a sick… hurt angel. Her eyes… were close, but just from the very first glance when Anna took the courage to come in, she could see the suffering and pain.

"Ghn…" Anna gritted her teeth, pressing Elsa's hand against her forehead. She was weeping again, but nobody here would blame her for it. "Elsa…" she whispered. "Please… Please, wake up…"

Silence met with her hopeless cries. "How could you do this to me…?" she cried, her body rocking… and she pressed the back of Elsa's hand against her lips. Blurred vision watched the blonde continue to sleep… and even then, Anna couldn't bear the sight. "How could you leave me in the dark…?"

The door opened, and quickly the two parents had come up to the girl. Idunn… was the first to hold Anna by the back, hand grasping her arm. "Sweetheart… sweetheart, everything is going to be okay…"

"NO!" the redhead screamed, almost selfishly… wanting Elsa all to herself, her head shaking.

"Anna, no -" Agdar began, and while his voice was soft, it was as firm as a fatherly voice could be. But did Anna care?  _That's my girlfriend right here…_

"I'm  _not_  leaving her…" was her reply. She doubted Elsa's parents would ever make her leave. If they did, Anna had to try her very best to hang on. She had wept even louder, falling to her knees. "Elsa…" her voice croaked, her one hand grasping the blonde's blanket. "You said you were going to marry me… You said you would…"

She could sense the two parents gazing at her with heartbreak. Pity. But were they not heartbroken themselves? Did they care? No, of course, they cared… of course, they understood how Anna was feeling. But with a promise that felt so real, with a such a woman laying in bed that made her such a promise, how could they understand how lost Anna felt?

"Anna…" She felt her girlfriend's mother's arms cradle her from the back, hand rubbing up and down her arms. "You have to stay strong. You have to believe. Darling, our daughter is strong and smart… and we're proud of everything that she does. Do you really think she would leave you like this? Hm?"

She sniffled in silence, her strength at loss.

"She has so many things she still wants to accomplish. Look… isn't she trying hard to start up a new company? Doesn't she have a beautiful apartment with you? And you're telling me she wants to marry you? Isn't that wonderful?"

Anna whimpered, "she's not  _here."_

"She  _is_  here," she gently tapped on Anna's chest, "and, in no time, she will wake up… and the first thing she will see is your face. The first thing you will see is her smile. Wouldn't you like that?"

 _No._ No, she wouldn't. It wasn't… a  _privilege_. She remembered seeing that every day. She remembered waking up… seeing that Elsa hadn't gotten out of bed at all just so she could wait for Anna to wake up. Together, they would be the first people in the morning that they would see, to say hi to, to  _kiss._

They wouldn't understand, but at least, they were trying. Anna had to be satisfied with that. But how could she feel something else other than agony and depression? Her heart had been painted black, and soon after, her mind continued to rewind through those happy memories like a recorder.

Shadows under her eyes began to show as she looked at her girlfriend.  _Is… is this going to keep being like this for the rest of my life?_ She asked an impossible question… but she couldn't deny that there was a chance that Elsa would be changed forever. Silently, she picked up Elsa's hand to her lips once again, letting her tears kiss her pale skin. "I can't do this without you..."

* * *

Two months slowly made its way through fall, and winter had come to stay. December was a slow month, and with each day that had passed… the more she began to despise it. The 21st was going to be Elsa's birthday, and in just a few days, Elsa would still be laying here. As always.

Anna decided that she would stop going to school for the time being to take care of her girlfriend, and while that would mean she would be graduating later, she was completely fine with her. Thoughts of Elsa filled her head every day, but it was not nearly enough that it would put a smile on her face.

As always, she listened to the clock ticking through the silence where the room lit up with the afternoon glow. Elsa, as always… was quietly sleeping. The bedside table was filled with such animated colors of flowers, but only Anna knew what types she enjoyed in their presence: cherry-colored roses.

Often, Elsa would describe the color as romantic and sexual love, and there was something so beautiful about that that struck Anna. Perhaps, it was her infinite beauty contrasting with the most beautifully fragrant flower… or, perhaps, often… she admired how Elsa would be drawn into the hypnotizing crimson of the petals. She always adored those blue eyes falling in love with those colors.

Standing by the door, her fingers wrapped around the bundle of roses. It was getting increasingly difficult to enter that room - and while she always meant to get used to it… she couldn't bear to see Elsa still sleeping. Her arm and legs were healed, her scars barely noticeable on her face… but no doctor could cure her of her two-months coma.

Silently, Anna stepped in and placed the flowers upon the dozen bundles underneath on the bedside table. "Hey, Elsa."

The ticking of the clock greeted her coldly, only.

Decidedly, she sat down beside her girlfriend, her hand - while hesitant - took Elsa's. Sometimes, it was always comforting to know that Elsa still felt warm. "Your mom and dad… missed you a lot. Didn't see you for a week. They're outside doing paperwork, but they should be able to see you in a bit. But I wanted to see you first." She sighed, and it was such a exhausted sigh. "Your birthday is coming up. Without you here… I don't what I should give you." She leaned in, pecking Elsa's hand. "Oh, by the way… I thought I should start going back to school soon. I really want to graduate, you know? But… I know my priority is taking care of you."

The door slowly swung open with Elsa's parents coming in. "Sweetheart, are you doing alright?" was Agdar's first question to Anna. In reply, her smile that was given to him was tight, and she nodded. He leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Sorry, we took a bit to finish a papers."

"That's fine." Anna turned to Idunn. She had quickly placed the flowers in a vase, half-filled with water. "Idunn?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I should just… pack up Elsa's stuff? They've been living in the dust for a bit in the apartment."

The mother hummed in contemplation, and slowly organized the flowers into the vase. "It's up to you, baby. Do you want to move her stuff back to our house?"

She shrugged, turning to her girlfriend. "Wouldn't it feel so empty in the apartment…?" she asked herself, but mostly, she expected her girlfriend to answer. The sun gently beamed down Elsa's pale skin, her blonde hair dancing with the glowing twinkles. A smile tugged across Anna's face, and she ran her fingers through the thick strands covering Elsa's face. You look so peaceful, darling…

"Well, if it feels empty, why don't you just leave the boxes here?" Agdar replied, attempting to be logical.

"Yeah." She sniffled, standing. "Um, I'm going to go to the bathroom for a bit."

The man ran his hand through her hair. Even he could sense the impeding sadness emitted from Anna. "Go on, we'll take it from here."

Anna didn't dare to flash a glance on both parents. She knew darn well what pity looked like, and she did not want it.

The empty bathroom really highlighted how she felt. Emptiness. In every way possible, a significant part of her had learned that from now on, she would be the one taking care of Elsa. Sure, everything had been steady since the start, but there was a looming dread that everything could go wrong in a matter of seconds.

She turned the faucet on, letting bubbles of water drench her hand. She eyed herself in the mirror. The same dreadful stare reflecting herself. The amount of sleep she was getting these days had gotten less. Shadows loom below her eyes, but it was to be expected. Without Elsa beside her, how could she ever sleep? She even dared to say she hadn't washed Elsa's pillow for the past few months because she needed her scent. She needed something intimate.

Anna took this chance to clear her mind and wash her face before coming out. With hands in her pocket, she slowly strode down the hall. The hospital was scented chlorine, and her eyes wandered as nurses, doctors, and patients passed her. She had gotten so used to the sight now. Day after day, she'd see more and more come in when she came to visit Elsa. Many times, she wondered if these people had experienced the same thing that Elsa had experienced. Maybe worse. But there shouldn't be a single comparison.

She sighed, knocking on the door before she turned the knob. "Hey, Idunn -"

Her body froze. Her whole world froze. She was glad she wasn't holding anything because she would just drop it instantly.

In front of her… Elsa's parents wept. In front of her, she could hear the cries. She could hear the relief, the joy. And, in front of her… those blue eyes that Anna had always yearned to see was clearly gazing back at her. The smile that Idunn had promised Elsa would show wasn't there, but Anna didn't care.

She was completely stunned. Idunn was calling her to come, but she could barely hear it. "Elsa…" she whispered, and before she knew it, she had ran towards them, gotten between Elsa's parents, and lunged right at her girlfriend. Hugging. Hugging her tighter. "Oh god, Elsa…" her voice wept, fingers running through her hair. She couldn't believe it. She wanted this to be a dream. For all the days that she had wished Elsa to wake up… she didn't expect Elsa to wake up now.

Those blue eyes, while drained from her two months rest, was as clear as day. She missed it all. She had so much to say, but it was all drowned in her cries.

"Elsa… I missed you. Oh God, I missed you…" Gentle, trembling lips pressed against the crook of Elsa's neck, and she could feel her own tears streaming down her cheeks to kiss her flawless skin. Her heart raced with passion, with gratefulness, with thankfulness. It was a miracle.

Her body tensed as she felt a hand caressing her shoulder, and from just the touch, she knew it was Elsa. Her lips were gifted with their very own smile upon her crying face. For the first time, she welcomed Elsa's touch… she welcomed her home.

"Excuse me…"

Anna hummed against the crook of her girlfriend's neck. Only when nothing followed, only when Elsa had stopped caressing her shoulder, she pulled away. Her longing fingers slowly caressed her girlfriend's cheek - though, as dry as a desert. Her eyes… grew softer than the glow of the sun. And Elsa still looked beautiful.

"God, I thought…" Her hand cupped her pale cheek, "I thought you really were -"

"Excuse me… I'm sorry," Elsa's voice croaked. "Who… are you?"


	3. Cherry

_The gentle peace drenched the dry summer air, and the birds chirped like they were all singing songs of fairytales. The sun gleamed down in the direction towards their air-conditioned living room, its ceiling lights turned off as the shine from that very star was plentiful. The calm afternoon was spent with just them in their own apartment, minding their own business, yet… still knowing their loving presence was nearby._

_Anna, clean and refresh from the shower, had come out of the bathroom. Her damp auburn hair, slowly dried with a pink towel, shimmered from the light once she had stepped into the living room. She leered in awe at the person standing in the balcony, those long bare legs gifted with appreciation from her turquoise eyes._

_The weekend was often spent with them relaxing together, going on dates that, in the end, would leave them with satisfied exhaustion. Rarely would they stay home. But that day, they decided that staying home and tending to chores in the most laziest form would be their perfect date._

_It_ _was_   _a perfect date. The most excellent of them all._

_It was barely their first year together, having to have moved in just a few weeks ago. There were still boxes laid on the corner that neither of them had the temperament to tend to. Often, they would work together, and it would be their time spent with each other._

_Anna felt at home, being here with her, at least. After the death of her parents, she had found nobody… but Elsa had found her. Of course, every perfect relationship would have the rockiest start, but every moment together, she cherished it all with great pleasure._

_Moving in, she felt that the apartment was too big. Almost like a loft. But the blonde said this wasn't a loft. The words were almost laughable, but Anna was obligated to trust it. Despite their playful banter, she grew into enjoying the space - the extreme modernity and simplicity it came along with it. Her girlfriend always enjoyed that. Simple. Modern. Clean. It was no wonder that she was an architectural designer._

_And life was perfect. Anna had never felt such… happiness coursing through her like a shot of stimulant. She loved how sophisticated her lover could be, and a deep part of her had quickly fallen in love with her playful side. Her nice side. Her… well, she could say, her girlfriend was perfectly_ _messy_   _sometimes. And that was what she was staring at, at the moment._

_In deep silence, she was still none but in complete wonderment, as she watched the blonde woman - simply dressed in an oversized white blouse, collar draped over one bare shoulder, and nothing more - sway her hips from one side to the other in repetition. Her body was outlined and drawn in the clearest, most glorious way as the sun seeped through the thin cloth of her shirt. Her slender legs gently caressed one another, and her long fingers carrying a scissor carefully continued snipping away at her dozen colorful roses and prickly vines wildly wrapped around their black wooden trellis._

_Smiling, Anna strode to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for a snack. A glass bowl of cherries finally found themselves in her hands, and she found herself just behind her girlfriend. The wind, while gentle and smooth, felt refreshing as she noted the way those blonde fringes waltz along as well._

_Taking a bite of her cherry, she looked over her girlfriend's shoulder in curiosity. Her gentle face… though, concentrated, looked lovely. Just as lovely as her favorite roses she was trimming. Those inviting lips hummed along to the music she was listening to, letting her earphones shut the world out._

_She chuckled to herself, cherry between her teeth, as she watched for a little bit more. It was cute that her girlfriend couldn't even notice her standing behind her, as distracted as she was. But this wasn't what she came here for._

_As careful as she could be, she pulled one side of the earphone and placed them over her own ear. She hummed, head swaying, and her girlfriend had slowly turned over to her shoulder. Curious blue eyes met with the amusement and fun that were Anna's teal eyes. "I can see my baby swingin', his Parliament's on fire and his hands are up…" Anna sang, her voice as gentle and raspy as it could be, her free hand reaching to squeeze between her girlfriend's fingers, crawling up to caress her thin wrists. "On the balcony, and I'm singing 'ooh, baby, ooh, baby, I'm in love'…"_

_The blonde simply had an appreciative smile running along her pretty face. And in the melodic silence, she watched as Anna continued to sing, scissors placed on the glass table, back leaned against the cold metal balcony bars… and with much gentleness, Anna had pushed her wrist against those bars as well, and her girlfriend had let it._

_Anna simply took that chance to press her body against her lover, their height just a head apart. "I can see my sweet boy swayin', he's crazy y Cubano como yo, la, la…" she continued, her whisper hoarse with desire, head tilting, nose brushing against Elsa's... and her two fingers grasped the thin stem of a cherry. Between her teeth again… she bit down on the crimson dessert. Eyelids were hooded, dreamy eyes gleaming, and her pupils were colored with expectations. "Hm…"_

_The blonde, as gentle as she was, held Anna's wrists, fingers tracing on her blue veins… and those lips that Anna had longed to kiss slowly came together with her own. She hummed, overjoyed, and while the sweetness, bitten between the two, overpowered her taste… she welcomed it._

_Anna's freckled skin prickled with excitement, feeling her lover's gentle hair brushing against her brows… and she felt at peace when a gentle tongue danced with her own, but most of all… the blonde had drenched herself with the taste of cherry._

_Soft hums and moans slowly escalated to giggles and prompted laughter when her girlfriend had the redhead suddenly wrapped with her arms around Anna's slender waist and had switched their two places. Still, their lips never once drew away from each other, like they paid no mind to the world…_

" _Mm…" Anna buzzed, and she had laid her delicate fingers on the sharp edge of her lover's jaw, her tongue pushing in with passion and the extreme longing… the drug that was her girlfriend's sweet honey. Only when they pulled away, a small series of pecks painted their lips… and the drawn smile she had spiraled into an expression of desire. And her girlfriend… looked nothing more than the same. Anna hummed again, vocals lowered this time, and her skin prickled when she felt hands draped over her thighs… when she felt those sharp ocean blue eyes stripping her from innocence, painting her with desire._

_But only then… only when they knew things would take them somewhere else, they pulled away. The song continued to play on repeat, but nobody was paying attention when their attention was all averted to each other._

_Her lover's intense gaze… was leaving her in a puddle of heat - not to mention, the sun beating down on them. But those cold blue eyes had been a wonderful contrast - the pad of her gentle thumb caressing her bottom lip even more. The blonde had grinned, pleased, and she had leaned in once more, tongue licking the fruity wetness on Anna's chin. "You had a little juice."_

_The redhead chuckled. "It was for you."_

_She pulled away, spitting out the single pit over to the streets below. "You must be having fun," the woman stated, entertained and all._

_Anna tilted her head. Decidedly, she turned, pressing her back against the blonde's front… and their arms held each other tight. Their body swayed, eyes twinkling in the afternoon sun, and feeling a sharp chin placed on Anna's shoulder… everything felt lavishing. "You paid more attention to those roses than you do with me. How else am I going to get your attention?"_

_A peal of light joyous laughter sang to her ears. "Are you jealous, baby? I'm sorry. I think that kiss made up for it." She licked her lips. "It's sweet."_

" _That's hardly a 'make-up'" Anna pouted, playfully._

" _Should I get you a ring then?"_

" _Not everything is about money, Elsa." She paused. "Although... a ring does sound nice."_

" _Hm… I'll see to it." Fingers gently pushed back Anna's hair, stroking them like a child with repetition. Ah, Anna always adored these little attentions. "You should help me with the roses. I don't like letting them wither away."_

" _You pay so much attention to them, they might as well be more alive than ever." She reached out to play with the pile of trashed petals on the glass table in front of her. And Elsa continued to pamper her girlfriend with kisses on the crook of her neck, caressing her hair._

" _Remind me why I'm with you again?" Elsa chuckled lowly, sweet words whispered into Anna's ears. "You made me feel alive. So alive. These roses…" Her cold hand slid atop of Anna's, fingers drawn between each other. The way Elsa eyed those their tightly knitted fingers… Anna could just feel them embracing their closeness. "They're for you."_

_The redhead almost rolled her eyes. Elsa was hardly good at being sentimental. "You're saying I'm a flower?"_

" _A representation of love, beautiful," she answered, lips kept to her ear. "What else could you be… if not, love? Keeping them tidy is one thing. Keeping them in pristine condition through the reminder of you is another. And I choose the latter."_

" _I mean, you always say they're your favorite, even before we were even together."_

_She laughed once more. "Well, then, having you here motivates my enjoyment for them even more, right?" Pausing, Elsa looked out to the accompanying building across the street. "Besides… I like my women with a bit of thorn to them," she purred._

_The rumbling voice sent shivers down Anna's spine, but she minded none of it. "Oh, you are just… sometimes too flattering."_

_Elsa hummed in agreement. "True. But you deserve it. After everything…" Anna's shimmering, the longing smile was abandoned, and her own eyes fell to the crowded streets. "I think you deserve a bit more pampering."_

" _Elsa, you don't have to guilt yourself anymore. It wasn't your fault… and I was being over-dramatic about your parents."_

" _It's not just that."_

" _Okay, I made some bad choices, as well, but they're not on you either," she replied nonchalantly._

" _It's not up to you to decide. Well, maybe it is, but…" she shrugged, "if I can't love my girlfriend and make her smile, am I even deserving of her?"_

_She grasped the bars of the balcony. "I don't think I deserve you."_

" _And I think you deserve a lot." Lips kissed Anna's neck once more, and just as the redhead had turned around to face her, those once lustful blue eyes had softened with love. Happiness. Thankfulness. Words could not describe the beautiful grace that was Elsa. "You have me now. You have a home. While it may not be much, this is all yours."_

_She looked over her shoulder to the empty living room. "You… bought this apartment for me?"_

" _Mm… well, I thought of you. But the designs are all me," she half-joked, "I meant it when I said I'd give you everything just so you can smile for me."_

_And Anna did just that. "You're silly. How can such a good designer with a personality of a complete control freak who's able to do a switcharoo whenever talk so nonchalantly like that? Don't I smile enough for you?"_

_She huffed, eyebrows crossed. "Money gives power, and you have all the power in the world, baby. Did you just say I have a personality of a control freak?"_

_Anna arched her eyebrow, jutting her hip to the side. "Well, you are one, aren't you?"_

_The blonde's eyes wandered in contemplation. In reluctance and agreement, she sighed. "Sometimes, perhaps. But it's all to your best interest."_

" _Yeah, yeah, of course," she replied, words heavy with sarcasm. "Still… you're too kind. Too soft-hearted."_

_Elsa placed a finger on her lover's chest. "I'm your girlfriend. It's what I do. Look at me. I'd do anything for your happiness in return. I don't need anything from you… other than to see your smile. I would apologize a thousand times for my inconsideration, no matter how many times you have forgiven me. Your parents would be very happy with the way you are now."_

_Anna remained the quietest, relishing the lightness of the wind touching her sun-kissed skin. She'd always find Elsa to be considerate, but even the most perfect person would always have second thoughts about themselves and others. "God, I love you…"_

" _And I, you."_

* * *

A few dreading seconds of silence felt like a lifetime of torture. Perhaps, she heard her say the wrong words - those wrong, hurtful words that she never expected Elsa to say. Perhaps, it was her imagination. Or this was just another awful nightmare. But if this was ever a joke, it was hardly funny. Not to mention, it was the first thing her girlfriend ever said to her after two months of her slumber.

Anna's heart was expectedly tense, pushing her own body away to stare at the blonde in confusion. The tears that rested on her eyes remained there, and those same bitter tears that streamed down her cheeks rested on the tip of her chin. Everything… felt so foreign to her. Those curious blue eyes that stared back at her showed no sign of familiarity, and Anna… never felt more broken and confused.

Through the echoes of prolonged silence, through the robotic melody of her own heart pounding along with the vital sign monitor, Anna had turned to the two parents. The look of silent shock between the two mirrored Anna's.

She was in denial. She thought Elsa's parents had said she was strong and smart - what kind of person would forget about their girlfriend after two months?

Anna slowly separated from her, laughing, but it was such despaired laughter. "W-What? What did you just say…?" she questioned, disbelieved.

Those unfamiliar eyes stayed exactly the same. The blonde had ignored the question, looking over to her shoulders for the two parents. "I… I just asked, who are you? Do I know you?"

The remaining trust and hope of Elsa smiling for her had crashed down, and it was as if Anna was the one that had been crushed by the truck. Shock coursed through her… her body unmoved from the bed, and those loving eyes turned into fear. "E-Elsa…? Why are you asking that? Elsa, it's me! What are you talking about?!"

Just as she had put hands around Elsa's arms, she felt a pair of strong arms quickly restraining the redhead. "Anna - Anna, calm down!" Agdar shouted, each word agonized with heartbreak.

But Anna wasn't having it. That was her girlfriend. That was her love of her life… but in front of her, she knew she was only merely looking at a shell that was once her girlfriend. She whimpered, grabbing the father's arm in need to push him away. Her tingling fingers and her numbing shakiness resulted in her weakness, and she merely collapsed right on Elsa's lap in her bed. "You know me, Elsa! What are you talking about?!"

"Anna!"

Her hands quickly squeezed her girlfriend's shoulders. She was blinded. She wasn't seeing the fear in Elsa's face She wasn't seeing the way Elsa was trying to push her away. She wasn't hearing how her girlfriend was crying for help - or was she really Anna's girlfriend?

"Stop joking around, Elsa! You know me -" she wept. Unbeknownst to her, Agdar and a few foreign hands of doctors that had come in had struggled to pull her away. Idunn… from the side wept like a child before she got between the two girls. "YOU KNOW ME!" She tugged away from them harder but to no avail.

"Anna, don't do this!" the father yelled.

"LET GO OF ME! Elsa -" And as she felt the doctors continuously drag her away… the view of her girlfriend had gone farther and farther away. The sight of her girlfriend staring at her wasn't fear that Anna had once seen on her expression. It was pity. Apologetic. "You know me… Elsa…" she whispered, but only the sharp slam of the door answered her back.

And for a long while, every single sound of the hospital - every gentle voice, every comforting sound - sounded like ugly statics in her ears. She had been sitting on the row of chairs across Elsa's room, teal eyes completely spaced out, but she would always notice doctors coming in and out of the room. How Agdar would come out every so often to get her a cup of water. To comfort her.

No, all she wanted was to hear some news - but, perhaps, all she ever wanted to hear was good news. Good news that would ease her tense, shattered heart.

It shouldn't be her. It should never have been her. Elsa should have been by her side, as they had always promised each other. At a time like this, Anna still felt the gentle reminder… a remnant of her lover's touch on her hand. Caressing her cheek. All she could imagine were those fingers wiping away her tears, lips pampering her with soft sweet nothings, and kisses that would cure her unhappiness.

_It should never have been her._ Anna sighed, breathing shakily, and her head dropped to the ground.

The door that closed in front of her face before had opened for the seventh time.

"Sweetheart, would you like to eat something? It's almost six."

Anna didn't look up, knowing it was Idunn's turn to make her feel better. The older woman wouldn't understand. Hearing a long drag of sigh, she felt the mother sit beside her, her hand coming to soothe her shoulder. "I have some news for you."  _She makes this all sound so comforting._

Anna squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't want to hear it."

"I understand. I know you don't." Idunn gaped at the door. Of course, through the blurry window, they could both see simple outlines of Agdar… and the woman that laid in bed, still. "This won't sound good for you, but I want to get started by saying this. And I think… it would benefit Elsa a lot. Only, it would hurt you a lot as well."

Anna definitely did not want to hear it now. Like a child, she placed her palms against her ears.

"Anna, you must listen to me -"

"I don't want to." She took a deep breath, and with much courage, she managed to look up. Of course, Idunn's weary expression mirrored her own. "She…  _doesn't_  remember me, Idun. What am I supposed to even do... ?"

"That's why I need you to listen to me." Fingers - and, oh, she desperately wished they were Elsa's - ran through her disheveled hair.

"I… I can't do a single thing for her…"

"I know, sweetheart. I know." A short paused quickly fell upon them. "Right now… I think the best thing for her… Anna, it's to not tell her you're her girlfriend."

Instantly, Anna stood up, ferocity and heartbreak shown in her widened eyes. "You… want me to  _what?"_ She squinted. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Anna, we don't want her to stress any longer!"

"She lives with me -"

"And she will  _continue_ to live with you… as roommates."

"Roommates… are you  _fucking_  serious?" Anna scoffed, and she was just beyond disbelief. Her own hands folded in her hair, and her legs began to pace without any patience. There were so many things running through Anna's head. As much as she loved to pick one and choose to say, her lips were pursed tightly together. But the silence was deafening, and Anna had no clue what she should even say to Idunn. Her eyes began to water again, vision blurred, but deep down in her shattered heart, she recognized how true Idunn's words were.

Lacking any mental strength, she plopped back down on the chair, her hand wiping her face.

That door she continued to stare at was more haunting than ever, and she feared that if she ever entered, her girlfriend would be lost once more. She chewed on her lip in contemplation, in wonder… and she wondered to herself if her heart really wanted this.

She turned to Idunn, and the distraught in her eyes had been rebuilt with lasting comfort. Though, it was comfort that seemed so artificial. Anna could see it. Idunn was only trying her best, but her best was never enough.

"Anna… I know you don't want this. I know…" she sighed, fingers wringing together in a nervous touch, "I know there are some things that Elsa knew about you… and now, she doesn't. She's… a lovely girl. A grown woman. She loves you so much, and she brought that love to us, as well. You are my daughter as much as she is mine, and it hurts just as much to see you like this. To see  _her_  like this. Think about it… if you told her now, imagine how heartbroken she would be. How sad she would be because she doesn't know who her girlfriend is anymore. She would want to take this slow, wouldn't she?"

Elsa always had the knack of wanting to take things particularly slow. Hell, even she realized wanting to marry in such a young age would be detrimental to their dream future. She wanted to hear those words again -  _I want to marry you_. Waiting… it was always waiting… and it was time for Anna to be as willing and patient as she could be.

Though reluctant, she eyed Elsa's mother with such sorrow and exhaustion, the crimson color absolutely drained from her cheeks. Silence met the air, but her hurried thoughts continued to scramble to piece her words together. "Can I see her?" was her last plea, as much as she did not want to say those words.

But Idunn was understanding. Placing a hand on Anna's shoulder, she nodded in acceptance. "Sure, honey. Would you like the doctor to inform you what's going on?"

She nodded.

"Alright, we're here for you. Both of you."

The door was the only barrier between the lovers. She didn't want to touch the knob, and as if it burned, she turned to Idunn for assistance. Understandably, the mother obliged through unspoken words, and Anna… only took a single step inside.

Everything was quiet - and any words that were said before had ceased to sound. Agdar was looking at her. The doctor had been doing a thorough examination, but not anymore. And Elsa…

Silently, Anna gazed at the woman, who immediately eyed her back with nothing but… well, how would she describe it? Confusion? Peace? Of course, there the lack of love in Elsa's eyes disappointed Anna greatly.  _And I don't want to see that._ Like a child being punished, she glanced to the floor, arms crossed together.

"Doctor… would you like to talk to Anna, please?" Idunn aided.

Agdar immediately turned to Anna, hand on her back. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

She nodded, and once she had gazed up, Elsa was still staring at her.  _Can she stop?_

And while she was completely distracted with the hatred of seeing Elsa looking at her like she was a stranger, the doctor had stretched his hand out for Anna. "Hello, I'm Doctor Watson. I know you've been worried about Elsa's condition. May we sit down with her for a moment?"

The redhead, with a lack of enthusiasm, looked at the tall man. Her eyes shifted to his chest pocket, where his nametag spelled out "James" as his first name. "Sure."

"Good. Parents, would you like to give us some space please?" His overly enthusiastic smile… Was he  _trying_  to make Anna gag? Ignoring them, Anna decided to take a seat on the chair beside Elsa. And still, their gaze… never left each other. Sounds from the background, voices from the parents became nothing but statics. And though, she was thoroughly tired, she made an effort to glance at Elsa's colored cheeks… to her frail hands… to the glistening eyes filled with questions and curiosity. Nothing could be said, but Anna… didn't have the words to say much either.  _I guess… I'm still in shock._

The door had silently shut, the doctor finally approaching the two of them.

"Okay," he took a deep breath, "Anna, if you would just listen carefully…"

The girl shifted her attention to James immediately. She had no more will to see those frequent distant blue eyes. The doctor had crouched to her level, elbows placed atop of his knees, and because of his tall structure, his long white coat dragged against the floor.

James, for a moment, took a chance to look at Anna. To Elsa. "Right, so… as you know, Elsa was in a car crash two months ago. She has been informed about that moments ago, but she's steady right now. Still a little shaken up with everything, but that's okay. I recognize that you… have also been feeling an unbearable amount stress because of this, so I wanted to wait until her parents have all been informed and calmed down as well."

Anna simply nodded.  _Well, I'm trying to stay calm._ "So? What is it?"

"To simply put it, she's suffering from retrograde amnesia. Multiple damages to the brain from the accident, unfortunately, was the cause for all of this."

_Retrograde…?_ She knew exactly what that was. With bulging eyes suffering in fear, she turned to her girlfriend once more. "Elsa…" she whispered, each word dragging out like her last breath, but she doubted Elsa knew how hurt she felt. No, Anna knew exactly how Elsa felt, and she realized how much help her girlfriend needed. How much love she would need as well. "How long?" she asked, but her eyes never left Elsa.

The doctor sighed, turning over to the blonde. "Elsa, would you mind telling us how old you think you are again?"

The same muddled stare switched from the doctor to Anna multiple times. Of course, Anna knew the uncertainty in her expression. After all, she was the one that had panicked on her. With a gentle smile, she slowly reached for Elsa's hand - as cold as always - and her eyes glistened with love. "Go on, you can tell me," she breathed as lovingly as her breath could mutter.

Though knowing that Elsa was hesitant, Anna was patient. She listened to the woman exhale a short wisp of breath, head tilting… and she turned to Anna once again. "I… I'm seventeen years old."

_What?_ In disbelief, Anna had pulled herself slightly back, her hand that was caressing Elsa's hand had left immediately. She squinted in confusion, she scoffed in frustration… and, most of all, her brain could not comprehend the words that came out of her mouth. " _Elsa… you're twenty-four…_ turning twenty-five…" was her reply, but it was a reply to herself.

The blonde quirked an eyebrow up. "Twenty-five…?"

"That's how much memory she's lost," the doctor continued. "Eight years. Not to mention -"

Elsa immediately groaned, eyebrows furrowed. All attentions were shifted to the blonde, watching as her hand grasped her right leg. "I… I can't move my legs." The woman lifted her torso as if attempting to sit up. Another agonized groan slipped out, and her grasp grew stronger.

"Elsa…?"

" _Why_  can't I move my legs?" she questioned, and it was her words that were agonized now.

Promptly, Anna came to her side, hand reaching for Elsa's. Fear was written in both of their expressions, but it was Anna that needed to remain firm. "Elsa… Elsa, calm down - Doctor, what is this?" Her fingers gently swiped through her blonde hair.

"Muscle atrophy."

"M… Muscle,  _what_?"

"She's been in bed for too long. With the injury and the lack of physical activities, her muscles were wasted. She will need physical therapy for a bit."

"Are you… serious?"

"This is a  _very_  serious matter, Anna. Doctors would never lie about this stuff." He paused. "Not to worry, she will be back on her feet in no time with a few sessions of physical therapy."

_No shit she will be back on her feet._

Every single destructive emotion crashed through Anna like flaming meteors. Her eyes wandered, as if crazed, and as much as she wanted to pay attention to the doctor… her girlfriend was suffering. Crying. Tears rested upon those beautiful eyes, and like the girl she once knew… Elsa wasn't giving up, despite not a single muscle was moving for her.

And Anna felt like she had lost everything. Glancing at the legs unmoved under the thin violet blanket, at the fingers that showed only skin and bone, she felt as her whole world had fallen apart.  _Remember… it's for her._

Taking a deep breath, Anna immediately stood up, her arms slowly wrapped around her lover's head. She shut her eyes, lips pressed against her hair. And as Elsa continued to struggle to get her legs to move, Anna kept her close to her arms. Every little hurtful thought had turned to whispers of encouragement and reassurance. Deep down, she knew it wasn't going to do much, and neither would it fix what had happened. "Elsa… I've got you… I've got you. It's okay, you don't have to try…"

A whimper replied to her, and those thin fingers had begun to grasp Anna's wrist. And only then, only after Anna had held her tighter and closer, Elsa had calmed down. A moment, while short, meant so much to Anna as she felt her girlfriend lean closer… much closer to her.  _That's all she needs…_

The fingers that wrapped around her wrist began to wrap around Anna's shoulder. They never pulled away. They never tried. This was the familiar comfort they'd both feel with each other.

And while the silence drifted, she felt Elsa's head against the crook of her neck, only to feel her pull away.

Her gentle teal eyes searched Elsa's, allowing her knuckles to caress her girlfriend's pale cheeks, fingers trapped between the strands of Elsa's hair. "You're okay… you're going to be okay."  _Because you helped me be okay once upon a time…_

With confusion and fear written all over her face, Elsa's only question was… "Who are you…? Who are  _you_?" Hopelessness was emphasized through her weak voice.

As simple as it should have been to say those three words, Anna's tongue was caught in her throat. Simply, gazing at her lover - the lover that needed much saving and love - Anna couldn't bear a second of seeing extreme fright carried in her deep blue eyes. Flashes of memories rolled through her thoughts like videotapes. The touches of laughter. The smiles. The hugs. The kisses. The sweet nothings whispered in her ears. The way Elsa would look at her… with such desire, such love, such… devotion.  _Will I ever have that again?_

With a tight smile, Anna answered in the most vulnerable voice, "I'm a friend, Elsa."


	4. White Mustang

_The single thought never occurred to the beaming redhead that her lover would look this beautiful. Beauty, perhaps, was an understatement of what her pure eyes were staring at right now. Yet, perfection didn't do her much justice either._

_Though Elsa had simply been pushed down against the couch, Anna restlessly gave her girlfriend the time of her life. Celebrations were often hard to come by… but this was their first anniversary together - and a quite loving, sweet, lavender-scented one as well. They were going to make the very best of it._

_The scented candles lit dimly in the living room - a few on the table, a few by the sides… but nonetheless, they trailed down their narrow hall to their empty, but warm bedroom._

_Anna was looking forward to this night. A night filled with peace, warmth, and touches. Gods, the touches…_

_Their spring blossomed with intense love and desire, and if Anna had ever said she was sick of it… she was only lying to herself._

_With the tree leaves rustling through the slow night and the warmth of the breeze creeping between the gap of their balcony door becoming a gentle reminder of how beautiful the weather was, contentment fed their soul… and Anna was thoroughly content with entertaining her girlfriend._

_She smiled, placing herself right on her lover's lap. Stretched arms circled around Elsa's neck, fingers dancing through her thick blonde strands trapped in a braid. The music in the background drowned in their giggles, but it had sounded like white noises for a long time. After all, the attention was always on each other._

_The mirrored expression Elsa had given her was filled with amusement and marvel, but the lingering silence was the most amusing of all. Figuring out those thoughts of hers was always a fun game for Anna._

_The redhead hummed, tilting her head… and she completely disregarded the cold fingers that had begun to unbutton her collar shirt. One by one, her bosoms were revealed to be constricted and held by a lacy velvet bra._

_Of course, there was no shame between them… and, in fact, Anna quite enjoyed the pleasant surprise shown in Elsa's expressive eyes._

" _Hm. Interesting," were Elsa's only words._

_Curious, Anna quirked an eyebrow up. Her two free fingers grasped Elsa's sharp chin, forcing her icy eyes to meet her own. "Interesting? You were the one who bought the set for me." Anna charmed a smirk on her face. She figured since it was their anniversary, dressing up wasn't going to do any harm._

_The pleasant touch of Elsa's hand running up her wrist sent shivers down her arched spine. Oh, everything was indeed… almost too pleasant. Anna couldn't simply have more patience._

" _I spoil you too much to know what I got you and what I never got you. I'm pretty sure I bought your own person as well," she chortled, her hands tracing all over Anna's thighs, fingers grasping all that they could find. Elsa seemed… more than satisfied with this arrangement - leaning against the couch ever so lazily, hair running along her shoulder freely, her smirk showing her own amusement. There was not a hint of constraint and hesitation between them, and Anna had quickly fallen in love with their own intimacy._

_The redhead, feeling strands of free copper hair trailing over her eyes, dragged her own fingers to run them back. Her chest jutted out to show off her lingerie, and she did so ever so confidently. Of course… the single thought of her girlfriend being enticed by the sight aroused Anna's deepest desires and addiction._

" _You have a funny way of telling jokes. You should do that more often," the redhead replied, and her whole body disregarded the feeling of Elsa's wandering hands caressing her stiff thighs and arched back. Her focus was trapped in the blueness of those glowing eyes._

_Elsa arched a brow up. "Well… they are jokes. Shouldn't they be funny?"_

" _Mm…" Anna sighed, letting her skin scream with pleasure, her eyes gleamed of thirst. She wouldn't even mind that her lover just kept quiet, and allowed her to do her own thing. With her. To her. "It's just… you rarely say funny things. Which is funny because you trying to say anything funny is funny, itself."_

" _Four times. You said 'funny' four times in two sentences."_

" _When your girlfriend is making you short-circuit with that stare, you're bound to say something stupid."_

_In a silent reply, her lover ran her perfect hands up and around Anna's back… fingers grasping the collar of her shirt. Anna was unmoved, waiting in patience, watching with eagerness… and the feeling of fragile fabric fall off her sharp shoulders and small back sent jolts of intense pleasure down her spine. Soon after, she could a hear the snap of the small buckle her bra and feel the straps trailing off her shoulders._

" _You know… I've decided, this anniversary doesn't seem so bad, after all." Elsa started, voice husked. Anna knew exactly what she desired._

" _Since when do you get to decide these things?"_

" _Since I became your girlfriend, of course," was her bold answer._

" _And what makes you think that?"_

_Her blue eyes gleamed expectedly, lowering them to Anna's bosom. "Well, when you have a girlfriend this beautiful…" She paused. "But, of course, it's not always about the body."_

_The redhead merely pouted, her patience running short. Despite Elsa's refusal to continue, she wanted to hear her girlfriend compliment her… to treat her like a princess. She always adored that. "Do people really talk this much? It's ruining the mood - "_

_A sudden force of Elsa's hand against her back prompted her to slide forward on her lap, meeting Elsa up close. Thank the Gods, Anna was able to hold back a yelp. Though, as bold as she was before, now she felt her face flare with an intense blush… and her sweet yapping lips had quickly grown quiet._

_She watched those tender blue eyes get drawn into the darkness._

" _I hope I didn't ruin the mood too much," her lips sang, and it was the most perfect song that Anna had heard among all others. Elsa's gentle hand rose to fit around her chin… thumb brushing against the rosiness of Anna's lips. And no other lips looked so perfect to kiss… to feel with her own than Elsa's._

_She exhaled a breath of desire, feeling the probing thumb spreading her lips… and Anna felt all the acceptance rushing through her like endorphins. She wanted the attention, she wanted Elsa to throw her down and drown her with pleasure and the addictive pain._

_Pride filled her bare chest, confidence and need drenching her teal eyes, but the moment Elsa had pressed her finger down on Anna's stuck-out tongue, all Anna did was taste._

_Her own feather touches wrapped around Elsa's wrist, her own head lowered on purpose, expecting her lover could make an effort to brush those copper fringes off her face. Her own lips wrapped loosely around her thumb, and like a good girl - Elsa would love that - drew her girlfriend in._

_She hummed, leaning into the hand stroking her hair. The blank face Anna was staring at may seem the way they were… but she knew Elsa. That woman was getting impossibly hot and bothered, weathered down with lust, completely speechless._

" _You look so beautiful…" a whisper, almost taunting, had drawn the hypnotized redhead in even more._

_With a raised eyebrow, she popped her lips off Elsa's finger… only, like an addiction, she continued to serve her lover's soft palm with slow, drawn wet kisses with her pink lips and tongue. She pushed herself up to kneel, having Elsa right between her legs, her own height finally towering intimidatingly over her woman. Still, obviously, the blonde was more than unfazed by it. She wanted it._

" _You know you're better than anything in the world that I've ever had…" Anna breathed, their nose brushing, searching eyes carrying much endearment. "You're better than her in all the ways that I thought made her special, but she would never give me this kind of high that you're giving..."_

_The blonde tilted her head. "You will always have me, darling."_

_Anna's lips brushed like a feather against Elsa's… and with her eyes hooded with want, with her hand daringly pushing to place her girlfriend's fingers against her full chest, she whispered, "will you have me now?"_

* * *

The last thing she remembered was the everlasting joy she had experienced during her last day of school. The moments of being up on the stage with her teachers, as Elsa had said, filled her with the ecstasy and pride that she had never experienced before. The graduation ceremony, as she remembered, was filled with such joy, inspiration, and young dreams. She had said she'd worked so hard to become a valedictorian, to become to top of the class…

Only now, what made itself home in Elsa's heart was the thought that all this knowledge and hard work that she had ever had, had been erased just like that. In Elsa's own true words, she felt  _stupefied._

It was only natural that Anna felt bad. Not even a single night of soundless sleep had ever crossed her mind. There were so many things - all these feelings, intimate thoughts, the spritely personalities - that were long gone now. The doctor had said patience was the key, but how was that going to change a thing? Would it miraculously bring Elsa's memories back? Or would they finally be back to being the two lovers they knew in a snap of a finger?

Simplicity drowned in complications, and Anna had learned to accept the world between them was totally different now.

The clock ticked plainly above the rows of blue seats fixed against the boring wall, coupled with a few posters. Sitting there, with arms tightly crossed over her chest, Anna was alone - but she wasn't totally alone. A few doctors and physical therapists scattered through the narrow hall in silence, each disappearing and emerging at different times. In front of her was a sheet of glass spanning through and through - only to be interrupted with a few doors down the hall.

Directly behind that were two people - Elsa and a therapist. Equipment all around them had been left untouched. All but parallel walking bars that spanned for a few feet - but, even for a few feet, it was growing extraordinarily difficult for Elsa to walk. All her weights were challenged by her arm strengths, which, each time, were growing weaker and weaker… and eventually, Elsa would collapse on the ground out of exhaustion.

Anna knew this. Anna wanted to help. How could she though?

It had been a month. Progression was slow, but it was still  _progress_  nonetheless. There was a hint of determination shown in Elsa's eyes, laid under by a sheet of frustration. It was understandable. Nobody would agree that this was ever going to be easy, and Anna never said that this was ever going to be easy for herself as well. But, no matter what, she took pride in the fact that Elsa was still Elsa… and that woman was never one to give up so easily.

So she didn't give up at all. Elsa had slowly learned to walk better. Faster. Turning around was often a difficult task and she would collapse to the ground almost instantly, but it was still a breakthrough.

She inhaled, exhaled slowly. Time had ticked by slower than she imagined. Lunchtime was creeping in, and Anna wanted to get Elsa back home for the first time as fast as possible. When she should be feeling excited, all she ever felt was dreadfulness.

For the first ever week that Elsa had woken up, Anna made it her mission to hide everything that was related to Elsa - that was related to their relationship. She honored Elsa's parents wishes to keep this quiet, but all she knew was that she had to do this for the sake of herself as well. Sure, secrecy and intimacy went hand in hand, but if Elsa was  _ever_  ready for that, Anna would say anything and everything in a heartbeat. And Elsa wasn't.

Of course, there were tons of memorable things - many that Anna thought about hoarding - but in the back of her head, Elsa's heartbreak would answer her nagging thoughts. She had to get rid of them or hide them. By then, Elsa would be home… with an absolutely fresh start.

The clock had ticked twelve on the dot, and Anna wasted no time to open the door to the therapy room. The sound of the click of the heavy door echoed, and the two people turned. Pursing her lips together in a tight smile, she looked at Elsa. "Hey, how's it going?"

Elsa had been back at the beginning of the bars. Sweats were beginning to form on her forehead, eyebrows pressed together in frustration. Nonetheless, she tried her best to smile. "I'm… still trying to turn." Her eyes were basically burning the carpet the way she was glaring at it.

Of course, sympathetic, Anna slowly came to her, her hand grasping Elsa's arm for support. "Here, let's try again, alright?"

The tired blonde had shut her eyes. "Anna -"

"Come on, one step at a time. One… two… There we go."

Slowly, although knowing Elsa was reluctant, they began walking again. The little grunts and groans with each step taken proved Elsa was trying, and she was trying  _hard._ Anna quickly learned that if she was near Elsa and holding her, she would unwind a little more. The redhead's smile came to life once they come across half way down the two bars. She even noticed Elsa had loosened her grip a little as well. "See? It's not so hard right?"

"Anna," she groaned, "If you ever tried doing this, you wouldn't… be saying that."

_Did she really have to say that?_

Completely trapped in thought, Anna remained quiet. This was Elsa… This was Elsa she was looking at, talking to, touching… but, in a way, this  _wasn't_  her. The fact was if Elsa had ever said that to her, it would a joke. It would always be a horrible joke just to get on Anna's nerve, but the  _tone_ she had while saying  _that?_ It felt… accusative and a little hurtful.

She understood Elsa felt like a seventeen-year-old, but her twenty-five-year-old brain  _had_  to be mature. But if this was maturity Anna was seeing, then they had a lot to work on. Of course, if a month wasn't enough to reconcile their relationship, would there be any hope in the first place? There had to be. They had worked so hard.

But brushing it off, she assumed that Elsa was merely frustrated with her situation. Anyone would be if they were in her shoes.

Once they had reached the end of the bars, they paused to take a moment of rest. It was often hard to smile for Elsa at moments like this, but Anna tried her best anyway. It was now that Anna had to be the embodiment of encouragement, but even  _that_  was never enough. With one hand, she grasped her friend's arm, firm enough to sense its shakiness.

"Ready? Take a deep breath, I'm here with you."

The movement was not instant, and Anna had come to realize that the blonde had to take the time to think and adjust what she wanted to do. With a few deep breaths drawing in and out, Elsa had been glancing at her bare feet. Often, Anna noticed the woman would contemplate how she wanted to do this, so she was as patient as she allowed herself to be… and that was okay. For someone like Elsa, simply walking… was a  _privilege_  to her. For Elsa, a simple task that seemed natural to the brain had become the most difficult task. No amount of studying and burying herself in books would help her bodily.

But, finally, with confidence growing, Elsa… with the help of the redhead, began to turn her body first. Inch by inch, her feet began to turn and twist - and, disappointedly, a third of the way through, she tumbled down to the floor.  
"Damn it…"

Promptly, Anna had gotten down to the floor. "Oh, Elsa -"

"Don't!"

Just as she was about to reach for Elsa, the shout had made her flinch and freeze.  _Has she… ever shouted like that to me?_ She wasn't about to give up. Ignoring her shout, Anna had grasped her arm. "Elsa, let me help -"

"I don't need your help!" She slammed the side of her fist on the ground, shoving the girl away.

"Elsa -"

"Just get away from me!"

As hurtful as it was to hear that, Anna did as she was told. Never in the two-year relationship they had, had Elsa ever shouted at her like that. Never had Elsa ever told her to beat it. Sure, there were many times where Elsa would yell, but it was to  _care_ and  _love_ Anna.

In a pained, agonized silence, she watched Elsa grasp the bars, bearing her knuckles white. Her breathing began to grow rapidly, and tears situated themselves upon Elsa's pupils. The frustration… the anger… the need for wanting to be better, and knowing it hadn't improved in the slightest were all shown through her face. And for Anna, seeing that hurt just as much.

"Ghn…" Elsa gritted her teeth, using her upper body strength to push herself up. It took a couple of tries, but after a few moments, the blonde managed to stand up straight. Because of that fall, Elsa had hugged the bars even tighter with her fingers now.

Biting down the need to say anything, Anna cautiously took a step forward. Her hand, even more cautiously, slid on Elsa's back, prompting the woman to turn to her. For a sudden moment, Anna thought she had seen a flash of anger expressed in her eyes. But, perhaps, anxiety got the best of her. "You alright?" was Anna's start, spoken as kind and softly as possible.

Quietly, Elsa nodded.  _At least, she's calm now._ "Are we… headed home?"

"Yeah. Agdar is going to come pick us up in a bit. We can have lunch at home."

Elsa slowly lowered her head down. "Could you help me get across?"

Gladly, Anna smiled, nodding in agreement. No matter what happened, the redhead was always willing to support her as much as possible. "Here, one step at a time. There we go."

* * *

"And here we are, home sweet home. It's about time you guys ate lunch, do you want me to quickly make something for you ladies?" Agdar placed the crutches by the doorway, his key dangling around his finger. Anna slowly pushed the wheelchair occupied by Elsa into their cozy living room - although, already feeling like it was lacking special - bearing an appreciative smile to Elsa's father. While being at home felt absolutely freeing, this was different for Elsa. From behind, she could definitely sense the admiration and mesmerization as Elsa examined every little bit of their apartment. It was kind of cute, honestly.

"No thanks, Agdar. I think I can make something for both of us. Don't you have to still go to the rehab center?"

His eyes drifted up to the ceiling in contemplation. Although, knowing there wouldn't be a lot of paperwork to do, Elsa's parents were always cautious about her current condition and how it could be much improved. On a weekly basis, Agdar and Idunn would take turns to understand Elsa's need in the rehabilitation center or if she was ready to come home. While Elsa still had much to digest, it was Anna that decided this was good enough to bring Elsa home. Besides, staying in the hospital for a month - much less, a week - would make anyone grow crazy. Fortunately, Agdar and Idunn were both open-minded, good-hearted people.

"Well, I guess I should speak to the physician. I doubt Elsa would need to go back there for another month. Maybe I'll convince him," chuckling, he patted Anna's shoulder.

At the sweet sound of those sentences, Elsa turned her head. Her face, looking just as similar as the times she was in here, had softened and lit up a bit. "Father, are you saying I don't have to go anymore?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Honey, may I ask, if you are ready to start walking on your own?"

Her joyous smile, while small, had shrunk even more. "I mean… I have crutches. A wheelchair."

" _And_  Anna isn't going to keep helping you all the time."

_Uh, yeah, I can._ Decidedly, she pursed her lips in silence. She knew Agdar had to give his daughter a bit of a push. She observed the little family gathering as Agdar stalked right next to his daughter, lips pecking her forehead.

"Sweetheart, I know you've been trying… and I'm  _proud_  of you. You can walk. I trust you. You just need to walk  _without_  any help, and I know you can do it within the next few weeks. We're just… worried about you, that's all. Right, Anna?"

She gulped, feeling as if she had just been dragged into this. Well, in a way, she already was. "Y-Yeah."

Audibly, Elsa let out a sigh, head bobbing up and down in a reluctant agreement. "Sure." She paused. "Is Mother home?"

"Your mother has work. Are you going to be fine with Anna?"

"Of course."

"Good. I must go now." His soft eyes, filled with expectations, were drawn to Anna. "Make sure you call if there's anything, alright?"

Anna had almost rolled her eyes. It was like none of Elsa's parents trusted Anna to take good care of her. But all was well when she noticed Agdar had winked - and, practically, that question was meant to be a joke. "Yeah, I'll call. See ya, Agdar."

"I love both of you." With one last hug to both girls, he was gone. All that was left was the soft click of their door… and the two of them in a living room as white and cold as ever. Of course, while Anna had said she loved the modern design of the home, the fact that - as she had turned, watching as Elsa had rolled her wheelchair to the middle of the living room - Elsa was looking at this with such foreign admiration… well, it just  _sucked._

Everything seemed like it was just fresh out of the box, but it was because Anna had taken up the duty to clean twice a week.

A white classical piano sat on the corner between the balcony and the Smart TV hanging on the wall. Speakers had also been mounted on both sides of the TV. The leather couches sat the opposite of the room with a decently sized coffee glass table resting just a few feet in the front. The balcony… well, it looked the same as always - beautifully entwined with twisty vines of roses and other flowers with the afternoon sun perfectly beating down on them. It was no surprise that anyone would find all of this… charming.

Elsa, especially, was the most charmed.

Surely, this was the first time in a while Anna had seen such an expression, so curious and fascinated, but...  _It's just she doesn't know she created this._

Anna crossed her arms together, a smile crossed her cheeks. It was just too tough. "You like it?"

In silence, Elsa nodded. Her fascinated eyes gleamed like they had struck gold. And only… only when she was close to answering Anna in words, the smile Elsa bared disappeared. Anna couldn't keep her eyes off the woman - having to see how beautiful she was even in a wheelchair. In all honesty, her heart still beat for her… but the beauty she was looking at right now was not the perfection that Elsa once was. While the basking sun had shown a great radiance bouncing off her beautifully snowy skin, shadows covering her whole back, it was just not enough.

Slowly, Elsa strolled towards the piano. Her thin fingers, almost like muscle memories, caressed the white and black keys gingerly. And then… a soft string of melody was played. Though it was just a simple series of notes echoed in the room, Anna could hear how natural this all came to the blonde.

"Anna?"  
"Hm?"

"Who am I?" was her first question, as softly spoken as it was, was infused with heartbreak. Her eyes presented longing and distance altogether. Their eyes hadn't met yet, but Anna would always keep her eyes on her.

And Anna wasn't quite sure how to even answer that. "You are…"  _My girlfriend._ "A fantastic interior designer."

At that, Elsa picked her head up. Her lips twisted in a featherly smile, the wonderment of her eyes glancing around her space. "I… am an interior designer? Did I design this? All of this?"

Expectedly, Anna's heart began to tense.  _Why can't I be happy to see her smile like that?_ "Yeah. You built all of this. You wanted simplicity. Modern. You never wanted something extravagant even though you have enough money to buy a house."

Her cheeks… were immediately flared with such color and joy. Elsa gazed down at her fingers, and all she ever looked… was dreamy. "So I did it. I was able to live my dream… I  _am_  living my dream. Right?"

"Yeah."

Slowly, Elsa came towards her, sitting just inches away from the standing redhead. If Anna had ever seen excitement before… well, she had never seen that on Elsa for the past month until now. "Then… I am wealthy then, aren't I? Am a good designer?"

Anna pursed a tight smile for her. It was true, a part of her would always still feel proud of Elsa. "You are the most excellent. Although I don't know much about what you do, you were always talking to clients on the phone, always negotiating, always telling me how your clients never once refused your offers. Everyone wanted you. I am always so proud of you - whoa, Elsa!"

Her eyes peeled wide open the moment Elsa had rested her fingers against the armrests and tried her best to stand. Though, a little shaky with a bit of grunt and groans here and there, Elsa let out a small giggle - one that sounded quite relieved - when the redhead held the woman by her waist, pushing her body weight against the Elsa once she was tumbling over.

"I got you, I got you," Anna reassured.

"That was… harder than I expected," she huffed, shifting much closer to steady herself.

"Here, hold my shoulders. What are you doing?" was Anna's harsh question, but her voice was as tender as it could be. Blue eyes observed the redhead curiously, and Anna could feel it kiss her skin. The grasp on Anna's shoulders tightened.

"You seem to know more about me than I do, myself," Elsa stated.

"Well… yeah, you've missed out eight years of your life because of that car accident."

"I know. You never told me what kind of car I have."

"Care to guess?"

"Lamborghini?" Elsa boldly answered.

Anna nearly burst out into an entertained laughter. The only thing comical about this was the fact that Elsa always  _hated_  fancy cars like that. Complaints were often about the fact that they were so small, so little, so  _loud,_ practically having no space at all to place anything _._ For an especially tall woman like her, sitting in seats that were so close to the floor made her feel like a child. Of course, complaining about it was purely ironic with the fact that she owned a sports car as well.

But Anna entertained her. "You have a pure white mustang... You got it just after you were promoted and got your own office as well. It's not so cheap to fix it back up, you know? Actually…  _It almost cost the amount when it was newly purchased…"_ she mumbled to herself, wincing at the imprinted price in her head. "And before you get to say anything -  _no,_  you don't get to drive yet."

"That wasn't what I was  _going_  to ask." The roll of Elsa's eyes confirmed her sarcasm. She could sense her enlarging smile breathing on her skin… only, when Anna turned to look at her, that had all been gone. "I'm sorry."

Curiosity and worry fueled Anna's soul, and all it had left was a bitter taste. Apologies… well, it was rare for both of them. If they ever once heard it, it was just to mock each other… but there were times where things would get serious - and Elsa had always been the most serious type between the two. With the two words ringing in her ears, Anna just made sure she held the blonde close - no excessive squeezing, no kisses… just the need to care for her.

"Why are you sorry?" she questioned. "Is it because of before? Oh, Elsa, that's… perfectly fine. You were aggravated and tired. I wouldn't expect anything from you -"

" _I'm sorry_ for not being the person you thought I would be."

Anna took the long silence as a moment to find her own words. Eyeing the balcony blankly, the lively sun drenched her sight… and the touches that hugged her body never felt this heavy before. But, perhaps, it was just her heart that was dragging her down. Words could not describe how longing she was for the woman that had loved her… for the woman that was her rock and support. But Elsa was here, and at the same time… Elsa wasn't here.

"The least I could do is stand for you. I want to be that person that you've known - I want to be your friend again. I'm sorry I couldn't… do any of that."

Anna shifted herself apart from the blonde, their eyes meeting together. Elsa's were convincingly apologetic, and Anna… could never find a way to look away from that icy blueness of hers.

Unable to give up, unable to bear that look on her face, Anna replied, "the accident wasn't  _your_ fault. You shouldn't be sorry. You  _really_  shouldn't," she chuckled, "because you're still Elsa. Sure, you have no memories of me or… everything has happened in the past few years, but you're still you. And I know  _you_."

"You'd know me better than anyone else then."

Her eyebrows were raised, but she didn't disagree. "Hey, soon after, you'd know yourself better than anyone else. It's just going to take some time."  
"You're oddly… bearing this extremely well," Elsa replied, hinting a surprise in her voice.

"I mean," she shrugged, "I  _have_  been dealing with you for two years."

"That sounds like an insult."

"I promise you it's not. Here," gently, she helped Elsa to the couch, making sure her comfort was Anna's priority, "why don't you sit tight. I'll make lunch, and you can watch some TV to catch up on recent events - er, you  _do_  know how to turn on a TV right?"

A gentle nod and a challenged eyebrow raised were Elsa's response. "I may be a bit crippled, Anna, but I'm not stupid."  _Ah, there's those snarky comments._

Placing the remote in Elsa's hand, Anna's face flushed in a gentle shade of pink with the pleasant thought that Elsa… well, would be back to being her Elsa. Of course, it would take time and patience, but it was what Elsa had always liked about their friendship and companionship.

With a gentle grin, her ears perked at the sound of the rerun of that morning's news on the screen. Ah, so even as little as this - Elsa had always kept up with the latest technology in the hospital. In the back of her head, she could clearly catch the moment Elsa would say, "I told you so", but her eyes betrayed the thought. Elsa was completely engrossed to the TV like it was a college lecture to her.  _Oh, what can I do?_

She welcomed the sight with acceptance and endearment - one that she was willing to have Elsa see. "I guess… I can tell you all the things I know about you in a bit."

* * *

_a/n: long chapter is long... and i love writing elsa and anna from the past._


	5. Ecstasy

" _What the HELL is this?"_

" _Where did you get that?"_

" _Under your damn mattress."_

" _Elsa -"_

" _You tell me what the hell this is right now, or I swear to God, Anna."_

_Light turquoise eyes, completely exhausted and spent from just doing nothing - yes, absolutely nothing - followed the waving small plastic containment filled with nothing but white powder clamped between her girlfriend's fingers. Specks of them were wasted in the air as her girlfriend trembled angrily and fearfully, and all Anna could think was… 'oh, what a waste'._

_Not, 'oh no, she found out', or 'I've hurt her again', no. Selfishly, she thought about herself, and she thought of her own greed. The wasted white powder was her life - and she didn't want to miss a single dust of it. In exchange for the unhappiness that followed her throughout these past few months, the poisonous small bag had always given her the small dose of happiness that she needed. Only, it would never last very long._

_More often than not, Anna always relied on it. Her girlfriend knew… and her girlfriend would always, always tried to stop that. In the end, all Anna ever knew was that no matter what, her mind would always take over her soul - and, in the end, she would always waste her life away with that same control-freak of a mind to drift off to La La Land._

_And so, the trembling never stopped. The addiction never stopped. But she had tried, always tried to make all of this work, only to have done herself more harm than good. The cycle continued to run in repetition - because if trying was_ _ever_   _enough to cure her own poisonous fixation, then Anna had no point being here. Trying was never enough, and the freckled girl knew it - and knew of the consequences of stop trying._

_At a certain point, after months of joyful silence and acquainted peace, this was going to be found out. At a certain point, after months of happiness embedded in their relationship, she would have to face her own demon once again… and this time, she would have to pray that her girlfriend would help her. No, not anymore._

_Perhaps, she had a different definition of help than her girlfriend had._

_The eyes that stared back at her were full of fiery and impatience. The glistening of sapphire colored orbs was drowned in all the tears that all Anna could see was her pitiful reflection painted there._

_She wrung her thin fingers together, steps being taken back, while her girlfriend stayed where she was._

" _Are you going to answer me?" the blonde growled. "What. The. Hell. Is. This?"_

_Anna gulped, even though her throat lacked any moisture, eyes dilated on the white powders again. "I-I'm… I'm sorry -"_

" _Is this why you haven't been eating all week? This is the reason?" She squinted in exasperation. "You're back at it_ _again_ … _? What is wrong with you?" was her question, a whisper. An accusatory tone dripped purposefully, but it was an unintentional attempt to hurt Anna._

_Naturally, the redhead couldn't respond in time. The guilt was riding on her shoulders like the world depended on it. The thought swirled around her, 'how could I do this to her?' but never once had she reached out for an answer. Her pride was shattered, her own will completely trashed… yet, the blonde that stood in front of her - while yelling - still cared. In her own way, of course._

_For once, when she always wanted to be beside her girlfriend, all she wanted to do was run away from the guilt that always trailed behind her._

_It was no use - she couldn't control herself because she stupidly depended on the substance in that little pouch. Saying that she would only take a little bit day after day wasn't any better than any other excuses because, in the end, those white dust would do her more harm than good. She knew that. But why couldn't she handle that truth rightfully? God only knows the answer._

_Anna pursed her tight lips together, running her hand through her limped hair. The heavy thumping of her heart never stopped, but even with all that blood rushing through her thin veins, she was still as pale as death._

_Her tongue ran dry from any words, and she had completely thrown all of her leftover dignity away. She needed this. Nobody could take this away from her._

" _G-G-Give it to me, Elsa -" She stuck her hand out. "Give it to me!" Seeing Anna lunge towards the blonde, Elsa quickly took a step back, pulling the small bag back towards her broad shoulder._

" _Are you serious?" her soft voice questioned. "You have no shame…"_

_"P-Please, Elsa -"_

_In silence, her jaw tightening, Elsa slowly swayed her head in disagreement. "No, we are_ _not_ _doing this. You did this to yourself, remember that." Without another word, Elsa rushed towards the bathroom._

_Knowing exactly what the woman was going to do, Anna quickly followed behind. "S-Stop it. I-I won't do it anymore, don't flush -"_

_A definite growl could be heard from the blonde as she turned, her braid swaying over her shoulder. With two fingers jabbing against Anna's hurt chest, Anna felt… completely useless. Hopeless. She recognized the fact that there were so many chances given by Elsa, only ruining it in just a span of a few days or weeks. No relapse felt more hurtful than to see her girlfriend look at her in such a disgusting way. And Anna… had no control._

_She stared right into Elsa's eyes, silence falling over their tense surroundings. There were so much left to be desired, and she knew Elsa wanted nothing more than a simple answer. Would pleading help as well? Would she have to get down on her knees?_

_But how could she? Her words, shambling in thought, had been caught in her throat in response to the bleeding anger drenched on Elsa's expression._

" _You… live in_ _my_   _house," her girlfriend started, "so that means you obey_ _my_   _rules. I worked hard to get us a place like this… so we can live lavishly. So I could wake up to see your pretty smile in the morning. I give you allowance - thousands of dollars each month - so you spend them on clothes and food, NOT this. If you cannot stop meeting her… If you cannot stop and think how harmful this_ _shit_   _is to you… If you cannot think twice about how I would feel when one day I have to hold you in my arms because you could not respond to me…" She pointed towards the front door, scowling like a leopard. "You better get yourself out of here."_

" _Elsa -"_

" _I am not your mother. I am not your father. They are gone. I don't give a shit about any of your excuses. But, necessarily, I_ _will_   _parent you. I_ _will_ _make sure you learn." Promptly pulling away, and as Anna became frozen and stunned as she was, Elsa threw the small pouch in the toilet._

_"NO -"_

_The sound of the toilet flushing rang between the girls like something out of a horror movie._

_Anna eyed her girlfriend turning around to her in horror. Seeing the satisfaction in Elsa's eyes just felt wrong. Instead of embracing the hopelessness she once had, shamelessly, she embraced anger. "Why did you do that…?" she questioned, shoulders slouched. "Why did you do that?!"_

_Spiraling out of hatred and desperation, she immediately pounded her heavy fists against Elsa's chest repeatedly. "That was mine! You took away what was mine!"_

_The blonde winced, already struggling to stand upright at Anna's purposeful punches. Anna couldn't care less… hitting her girlfriend, spitting out hatred. Her desperation got the better of her, and she knew her girlfriend would always see right through her, as well._

_It wasn't instant when Elsa had gathered the courage to stop this idiocy. But once she did, with her fingers quickly grasping tightly around Anna's wrists, she pushed the redhead right into the living room once again. "Stop - Stop that."_

" _Let me go!" Anna squeezed her eyes shut in the struggle, this time using her legs to kick her girlfriend._

" _You're acting like a child, stop it!"_

_Bitter tears, unknowingly, trailed down Anna's cheeks like a waterfall, her heavy breathing growing more rapid by the second. Exhaustion completely overwhelmed her, but she continued to try to no avail. No matter how much she tried, Elsa was still stronger than her. No matter what, Elsa… was always there to right the wrong._

_A short moment passed, and eventually, Anna was pushed right against the couch, her girlfriend sitting right against her lap, looming over her with anger and intimidation, hands still squeezing Anna's tired wrists by her sides._

" _You stop that right now, Anna Andersen. You need help. You need a lot of help," the blonde spat._

_Was Anna ever going to listen though? She would have openly sought for help… and only because Elsa was there, she didn't. She didn't because once upon a time, having to meet Elsa, she swore Elsa would be the reason she would stop. She swore… her capability and willingness to stay strong against a substance that had ultimately made her weak would have to continue to be stronger for Elsa._

_How many months had it been since she had sworn that oath to herself? Six months? Eight? Oh, the poor girl's mind had been so clouded from any judgment for so long, she had eventually forgotten what it was like to be so determined._

" _Get off me -" she whimpered, still gathering the strength to wrestle away from Elsa's tight grip._

" _Anna, stop that right now. You can't keep going like this. I can't see you drown -"_

" _I-It's easier said than done! You threw away the only thing that would make me happy. You did this! I hate you -"_

_Her voice was muffled, her body tensed, and the moment she felt warm lips pressed against her own, all words were at a loss. Sure, Anna could feel the softness, could feel her girlfriend's warm body flushed against her own, but she was too angry to want it. Though, she was too weak against her girlfriend to even push away as well._

_With cold hands still locked to her wrists, she had no chance of pushing the blonde away. The kiss was sweeter than honey, but all Anna was able to taste was the bitterness hiding behind that sweetness. Whether she liked it or not, didn't matter to her if all she ever thought about was needing that pouch._

_She whimpered against her lips, eyes closed… but, finally, after seconds of Elsa against her… after drowning in her scent, she relished the fact that Elsa had shut her up with a tender, passionately kiss._

_Her heart demanded more, but she knew she didn't want more. Emotions spiraled out of control, and all Anna managed to do was bite hard against Elsa's bottom lip._

_Hissing with hurt, Elsa promptly pulled away in silence. Her light brows met together in a cold glare, long finger swiping the bottom of her lip to find it completely broken and bloodied. It didn't seem to matter at all though. And Anna was not at all apologetic about it._

_As the hushed atmosphere continued to thrive, their eyes met each other with nothing but both anger and coldness. No words needed to escape. They both knew how furious they were with each other with different reasons… but Anna forgave that. Anna forgave her… because, deep down, she knew she was in the wrong. She knew… she had to try harder._

_Her hands, while still placed to her sides, tingled to touch her girlfriend. Maybe to slap her… maybe to just feel her… the feeling was conflicting, but she embraced it. Never once had their eyes left each other… and it was always just like before. Like how they always had been._

_Sweet blood still dripped down Elsa's hurt bottom lip, but still, her girlfriend leaned in once more, and Anna had let her. Rendered speechless, all Anna could feel was her girlfriend's nose brushing against the side of her own and wet, sticky lips caressing her own with tenderness. But in the end… it was all to stop the fuel that lit this fire in the first place._

_If Anna minded one bit of this, she would have lost more of her mind than she already had. Unmoved, unfazed, Anna felt hands wrapped around her wrists once more. This time, she realized protesting against her girlfriend was no use, and she found her own arms raised above her own head._

_They never stopped touching each other. They never stopped enjoying the sounds of their kisses drowning their thoughts, never stopped appreciating each other's sweetness - especially, as messed up as Anna was, enjoying the faint sweetness of the copper-tasting blood. Her tongue reached out for more in appreciation, with eagerness, and Elsa had let her._

_With her precious broken lips widening, with their chest pushed against each other in an attempt to relish the music that was their hastened heartbeat, all Anna ever wanted now was to give Elsa her apology. To make the blonde feel right for the wrongs Anna had done._

_Her own soft tongue silkily swept across her girlfriend's bottom lip, catching every last drop of blood that she could. Without words of apologies, this was her way of saying it. Her way of making sure that they would be okay… and Anna would continue to work hard to stop her own abuse against herself._

_Fingers slowly traced the veins on her wrists, as cold as they were… feeling just as warm as well. And only then, with one last kiss, their eyelids fluttered open like butterflies. The sapphire eyes that were once colored red with anger, became a gentle blue for Anna. Once in a while, Anna would be entrapped and entranced by the way Elsa would admire her and do the same (but she wouldn't know that), and this was one of those alluring times._

_Almost as if they understood each other, they still hadn't said a word. Of course, while the pleasure was just as pleasant as all the times they had wanted to love each other, a suppressed part of them also still had the fire burning inside their chest._

_Once having to pull away, Elsa looked like she had just been born out of the heavens, fell to the sky, and of course, realistically, hurt as hell. The expression she presented was exactly one that Anna expected to see - sternness… but even that was beautiful._

_One by one, her own cyan eyes were drawn at the thin pale fingers picking on the buttons of the blonde's shirt. And with button separated from each other from the top… all Anna relished was the bare skin, snowy and white, gifted for her. Her full bosom trapped in a lacy black bra, her sharp and hallow collarbone, her strong shoulders… toned stomach, beautifully thin arms…_

_And the sight was just alluring as the thin fabric danced off Elsa's body. Anna, though, continued to fall in love with those attentive eyes, never moved… and never had blinked. She was more than appreciative that she would do anything in return for the love that Elsa was filled with._

_Her own upside-down lips slowly submitted to a smile. Expectedly, Elsa didn't react at all._

_Instead, the woman simply leaned back down… lips pressed upon lips, thumb drumming against her the redhead's chin… and she was okay with that, completely. All they needed was to feel each other… and all she wanted was to understand her girlfriend a little more, and vise versa. And if a kiss wasn't going to do, then it would have to take a lot more than just learning from each other through a simple kiss…_

_It was gentle, it was tender, and it was slow, and it was everything that Anna wished to have in their relationship. This time, keeping Elsa's words in the back of her head, thinking about their future together, she mindlessly promised herself once more for the endless amount of times - 'I can't break her heart again'._

_Perhaps then, if she kept that promise, she would enjoy these kisses more often._

* * *

It seemed like it was just yesterday. Their home smelled like lavender and warmth… if warmth ever were a smell. The background noise consisted of the television, the chirping of birds sitting on their balcony, or perhaps, there would be a peal of small laughter whenever someone was talking in the phone with a friend or an acquaintance. Granted, they had quite a big pool of friends - but once upon a time, they were so fixated with each other that none bothered to ask them to hang out.

Oh, pleasantry was really hard to come by, but when it did, they were both basked into it with all their glory.

This time though? Well, the afternoon sun danced into the living room from the balcony window, the wind gently rustling the flowers outside. The afternoon news was on, and once in a while, she would more often than not hear a short attentive response that consisted of 'hm', 'huh', 'mhm' to the reporters. And, of course, it was also a reminiscence of the past. Elsa… always had a knack of doing that whenever she was concentrating on something.

Still, while Elsa occupied herself with learning about recent events, Anna was also making them a mean sandwich. It was quick work, so it would take a special set of skills for someone to really mess up a turkey bacon sandwich - Elsa's favorite, as well.

Ten minutes later, bringing two plates to the coffee table, Anna eyed the television. News of the White House glared on the screen. "Enjoying it?"  
Elsa pursed her lips in concentration. "Mhm."  
"What's interesting to you so far?" She plopped down right beside her, setting her plate on Elsa's lap. "I made you your favorite."

The blonde, still concentrated, pressed a finger against her lips. "Is it really that often that politics are on the news?"

_Ah._ Anna wasn't too smart on politics either. "Well, I guess, nowadays, people just care more about it."

"Both princes got married."

Anna hummed. "One of them is more recent. Like actually a few months ago."

"Ah."

"Come on, eat before it gets cold. Aren't you hungry?"

"I am." The blonde smiled - and it looked absolutely adorable whenever she did smile. Her eyes were still stuck to the television, gleaming with interests like a complete child, as she took a bite of the sandwich… and it was just one bite. She was back to watching the news again.

Though, as much as Anna wanted to roll her eyes, how could she complain about it? She was learning, relaxed, and she was being entertained without even trying so hard to entertain her. At that, the very least Anna could feel was satisfaction. So she remained quiet, allowing Elsa to take everything in just from the TV.  _Eventually, she'll ask me questions…_

The past few minutes consisted of Anna eating in silence, mindlessly watching the screen, and answering questions when Elsa needed answers. Though Anna knew she couldn't be a very reliable source, Elsa still listened attentively - even asking for opinions.

With a full slice of the sandwich eaten, eventually, the blonde had let out a sigh, head dropping down. Even from that, Anna realized what was up, so she turned her attentive ears and focus to Elsa. She also grabbed the remote and turned the volume down, her own plate placed on the coffee table.

"Are you ready?" Anna asked, legs crisscrossing together.

The woman nodded, and the once-spritely smile she had was gone.

"Where do you want to start?"

"I…" her fingers wring together in a tight hold with anxiousness, "well, how… how did we meet?"

That was her first question. A great question, but it was something Anna would need time to tell. Still, Anna willingly had to keep the story short and give her all the details at another time.  _When she finds out we're more than just friends, of course._

"Mmm," she eyed the ceiling with a smile, "I guess that's a good starter. We met when I was… I think, a wee sophomore in college. You were in the nearby Starbucks. I kinda didn't have enough money so you were kind enough to help me pay when you saw me arguing with the barista."

"Was I… a designer at the time?"

"You were just starting, actually. You didn't have your own office - I guess you were still buying coffee and retrieving papers," she answered nonchalantly. If memories served, the only time Elsa had ever gotten coffee to others was when she was being tested as an intern. She remembered being told she was never challenged… so she decided to challenge the CEO of the company she was under. Only then, Elsa had earned a name for simply being the most stubborn person in there.

Anna chuckled to herself. "But you were  _and_  are smart. You earned a name for yourself rather quickly. I guess you can say you're more stubborn than I'd ever been."

"Mm, that seemed true."

"It  _is_ true."

"So what then? Did I have many friends?" Elsa questioned. "Did I…" The remaining words trailed off in silence.

Nonetheless, Anna answered the first question with ease. "You had friends. A lot of them. You were very popular… and once you managed to get your own office, you had your very own following. People did what you asked because you were good at what you did. You treated your… 'subordinates' fairly and with kindness. Nobody could beat that."

"I see."

Anna tilted her head in curiosity. The fallen expression was quick to show, and even now, Anna had no idea what the blonde was currently thinking. "What's the matter?" She placed an assuring hand on Elsa's knee.

Suddenly, all Anna got as a response was a tired sigh. "Did I ever have a relationship?"

She froze. She completely froze. She could have expected this, and oddly, she didn't even think of it. The only thing she wanted to say was yes because she knew that was the correct answer. But was it something Elsa wanted to hear? By the looks of it, with those blue eyes gazing at her as if… admitting that she didn't want to hear it, Elsa definitely dreaded that correct answer. And with each word from the question resonating in her head in repetition... well, Anna surely felt a heavy heart toling her down.

The hand on Elsa's leg slowly escaped from the touch, bringing it to herself. And finally, in avoidance, Anna looked away. "No," she answered. "Not that you've ever spoken of it anyway. Is that what's bothering you?"

Elsa nodded, this time breathing out in relief. "I only asked because… I wouldn't know how I'd feel."

"Well… what if you do have someone you love? How would you react now?" Really, it was a question she needed answers from this time around.

Simply, Elsa shook her head. "I… the only thing I'd wish for is for them to break up with me. I mean, look at me. The person they knew… couldn't have been the same person. Would they still love that person? Love me?"

Anna's face was completely stoic. "Nobody would be that shallow to give up on you."

"But I would," was her reply. "How could they be happy… taking care of someone that used to love them, and they don't anymore? How much would that have hurt? Do you know?"

_It hurts. It hurts a lot._ But Anna didn't answer, pursing her lips to prevent the only words she wanted to say from spewing out.

" _If_  I did have a relationship in a state like this, I would want my significant other to part ways with me. They could love someone who wouldn't be a burden to them." Like Elsa was talking directly about her, those blue eyes stared intensely into Anna's.

"I see," the redhead responded, no matter how reluctant she was to say it. With a heavy heart, Anna managed to twist her lips in a smile - wishing it wouldn't look as fake as it had felt. "You've always been the most considerate person. I'm glad that's still in you."

The blonde had her fingers wringing together, her eyebrows crossing with worry. For the two years that Anna had been loving her, every little body language that Elsa would make would always give a hint of how she was currently feeling. This time, she recognized the anxiousness in her eyes… and it was rare that Elsa would feel this stressed out.

Normally, Elsa took things into consideration. Normally, she would be relaxed and controlled, and the only time anxiousness filled her soul was always because of Anna. Sure enough, this time around, that stressed feeling wasn't for Anna.

The moment the blonde had looked away, Anna scooted closer to her. She tilted her body in an attempt to get into Elsa's sight, but the more she did, the harder it was to stay sitting on the couch.

The thing was, even if Elsa ever were to avoid looking at Anna, the redhead was never known to give up. But deciding to hand over some slack, Anna gave themselves a bit of space. Constantly, she had to remind herself they were not like how they were supposed to be anymore, but the thought of it always made her stomach churn.

She tapped Elsa's shoulder, at last, with wariness. "Hey. What did you want to say before?"

The blonde was in contemplation, shown in the blankness of her eyes. "Anna…" her head tilted down, almost out of shame or… disappointment, and Anna had lost her reassuring smile from the sight of it, "I… kept a secret about myself for a while. It was something I… didn't want to admit until I finally came to understood what it was when I was, maybe, fifteen." She paused. "Do you know what that is?"

Curious, not necessarily confused, Anna shook her head.

"Anna… I'm gay."

The redhead froze. Completely. That's right… Elsa never did come out at an age like this. She never once had a girlfriend… but Elsa would always mention the little crushes she would have in high school. For someone like her, as beautiful as her, Anna wouldn't have believed it in the first place. She'd believe it if others would have major crushes on her girlfriend instead.

But the thought never occurred to Anna that now… Elsa really was this seventeen-year-old girl, waiting for a chance to come out of the closet to someone. Anyone. Anyone she'd trust. And now as a twenty-five year old, Elsa was coming out to her as if it had never happened before. Anna was still debating whether she should feel proud or devastated, but then again… neutrality was her best bet.

She smiled, as genuine as it could be. Her hand, while hesitant for a moment, dropped to Elsa's shoulder. "Good job. I'm proud of you."

Elsa, as expected, didn't react. "Did you already know?"

The redhead nodded.

"Did Mother and Father know?"

Again, in the tense silence, Anna agreed once more.

"When did I tell them?"

Anna was waiting for that question. "It was… Pride's Day. You came out when you were twenty-one. I wasn't there… I haven't even met you yet, but you told me many stories, and that one was included. Don't worry, your parents accepted who you are. A lot of people did."

She nodded, and though, her smile was small… it was also filled with relief as she gazed down at her lap. "I just always dreaded telling people. I never had girlfriends. I never reacted to girls physically, but in high school, I was -"

"'I was experimenting all the things that I thought I shouldn't be experimenting, and as it turns out, I'm gay'," Anna finished. She had heard that… as many times as she could count, and seeing Elsa's shocked face slowly soften, all Anna could give back was a clumsy smile for the blonde. Softly, she ran her fingers through the blonde's hair like a mother cat to her kitten. "You're never going to ever let that line go, are you?" she asked… but it was more of a question to the girlfriend she once had.

Elsa giggled - oh, and it was a giggle that Anna didn't even think Elsa would even make - shaking her head. "Well… now that you said that, I guess not."

For a moment, a pause drenched the air, and the only sound in the background, as annoying as it was, was due to a car commercial on the TV. Their eyes met with warmth at each other, but there was something so unfamiliar about the way the blonde had gazed at her. Surely, Anna was completely reminded of the days that they had just fallen in love with each other - and although, Anna had always wanted to experience that again, she realized how increasingly hard it was to see how innocent and pure Elsa was.

Of course, even now, Elsa was similar to the woman that had loved and taken care of her, but Anna just couldn't put a finger on what's so different now. Still… this was Elsa. This was the woman staring at her with no ill will… and Anna still selfishly wanted it.

The redhead pursed a smile, pink dressing across her cheeks with ecstasy. "And now that you know that a lot of people support you, are you still scared?"

Elsa chuckled, arching a brow. "I think I'd be more worried about how I'd interact with others and how they see me now that I've lost all these memories."

"Whoa, such a nonchalant manner of saying stuff like that."

"If you can't joke about it, how else can you live with it?" was Elsa's snarky reply. Thank goodness, Anna always loved Elsa's wit and comedic replies. Although, this wasn't much to garter a laughter - and Elsa knew - Anna shook her head in amusement. "Anna… thank you."

"For what?"

The blonde shifted her attention to her lap. "For taking care of me. I know we're just… roommates, but even for the short while that I have known you, I already consider you as my greatest friend."

Anna wasn't happy about that. But rather than showing how unhappy she was, she merely took Elsa's hand in her own. "Hey… I can't allow you to go on and suffer like that by yourself. I wouldn't be able to bear standing on the side and watch you."

While Elsa wasn't looking at her, she sensed the woman smile with the way her cheeks lifted and blushed. "Your parents must be proud of having a daughter like you."

Almost automatically, Anna tensed. Her heart screeched to a stop, and while all she wished for was to agree… no words would escape from her lips. Simply, looking away, shadows painted below her eyes, Anna nodded. Only then, she had caught Elsa's attention.

"Anna?"

Silence.

"Anna… did I say something wrong?"

Stillness.  _Say something. Anything._ But a series of trembling only replied, and in actuality, Anna wasn't sure how she even reply to that. Feeling Elsa's worried gaze all up on her - as adorable as it was to see her tilt her head - Anna only managed a tight smile, shaking her head. "No, you didn't say anything wrong. You're right, my parents would be proud of me."

"Then… why do you look so somber?"

"Do I?" She bit her lip. "Oh, well, it's just I miss them. They're on a vacation now, so… I mean, anyone would miss their parents right?"  
Hesitantly, Elsa nodded. "Yes… I suppose so."

"Now, come on, do you want to take a shower? Look around in your office?" She got up, her fingers falling to Elsa's wrist. "I'm sure there are things that you already have that you really enjoy having."

"Such as?"

"Books. A lot of books. And… well, paintings, as well. I stashed them away so they don't get destroyed," she watched as Elsa grabbed her crutches and placed them under her arms, "I mean, seriously, you paint really well. And, oh, sometimes you also have a few collections of building models that you made for reference. You always yelled at me whenever I even lay a single finger on them. You're really not a woman I'd like to mess around with most of the time..."

Carefully helping Elsa up, she continued on as they entered through the halls, proud of Elsa's attentive ears listening to her… and for once, after a while, Anna felt as if she could let everything go… and cherish what she still had left.


End file.
